Until my 20s, my theological stance was very black and white. I could state with conviction where I stood on issues, and unequivocally state that anyone who thought differently was wrong. However, I was also limited in my exposure to other points of view. As a child and teen, any exposure to an opposing view was given in context of how to argue against that viewpoint. Doubting and questioning were discouraged and viewed with suspicion.
While there are instances in which a person's doubts and questions have led them astray, I do not think that such a thing is always the case. For the past five years, I have found myself wondering why I believe what I believe, and whether or not my belief is the only "right" way to believe about an area. Certainly there are some things that are not up for debate, such as the nature of God and the identity of Christ. But in other areas, is there actually a "right" point of view, or is it a matter of preference?
The ones I have met that hold different views quite often appear to be following the dictates of their own conscience. When I have taken the time to read about their point of view, I often find that I cannot discredit their point of view. I might not switch over to their viewpoint, but neither can I clearly state that it is absolutely wrong.
My increased willingness to accept other views as valid has given me cause for concern. On one hand, I would like to think that as I mature, I am becoming less judgmental, more loving towards others. Yet on the other hand, I fear that I am merely becoming more lax in my faith and less willing to call things out for what they are. Admonishments against the easy path, the wide gate, fence sitting, or becoming lukewarm ring in my head with the voices from my childhood. Voices of people that I respect.
I want the love of Jesus to be the guiding principle of my life, not legalism.
I know to search the Scripture when I have a question about an issue, yet in so many cases, two people can read the same verse and come away with differing views. Also, not every issue is addressed in Scripture. Sometimes the verses used to support a point of view have been taken out of context. So unless one view clearly contradicts something clearly stated in Scripture, how do I know which view is true? Does it (and I mean no disrespect) actually matter which view is right when it comes to some issues? Is there truly one view that is right for every issue, or are there some issues where it is a matter of personal preference?
My background tells me that there is one way for almost everything. I was raised with a fairly literal interpretation of the Bible. A lot of C(c)hurch tradition was viewed as suspect, and in some cases, used as examples for why people in other denominations were not Christians. Re-reading familiar passages while balancing how I was taught, the historical context of the text, and church history is overwhelming. I wish I was the type of person who continued to believe the way that I was raised and never had a question about anything beyond that. I never wanted to be the person with doubts. I would much prefer unquestioning, blind faith. But I have come to realize that just because I was raised to believe a certain thing does not mean that it is right and everything else is wrong. Just because some hold a viewpoint doesn't mean that it is the Christian viewpoint; it may be a denominational viewpoint.
I just wish there was a simple way to separate the two.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
August 27, 2012
April 7, 2011
He is Faithful
Those who have been reading my blog for a while know that back in January of 2007, I felt as though God was telling me that I would have a daughter. A daughter that I would name Grace. As Grace is not a name that I would have picked out, I felt like I really had heard from God. While I wasn't crazy about the name, I was thrilled with the idea of having a daughter.
As time went on, I felt led to share what I thought I had heard from God with others. As someone who hates being wrong, this was a big deal. I struggled with telling people for a while. After all, who was I to claim that I had heard from God, especially when I had no proof? I didn't feel "holy" enough to purport that God had spoken to me. But I did tell - first a close group of friends that I used to have Bible study with, and then to my readers. I held onto a bit of hope that maybe telling others was an act of faith that God was requiring of me. That maybe once I was willing to embarrass myself, God would give me what I wanted. I waited so eagerly that month, certain that I would have joyous news to share in just a few weeks.
But that didn't happen.
As my 29th birthday came and went, I was crushed. Especially since I have long held 30 as the cut-off date for when DH and I would stop trying for children. Only a tiny ray of hope stayed. I thought that just maybe, God would bless me with another child that would be born just before I turned 30. A child that I could say, "Look! Just in the nick of time, mere weeks before my self-imposed cut-off date, this miracle child of mine was born!"
February, March, April, and May came and went. No child was going to be born right before February of 2011.
I felt like a failure. I felt like a liar. I thought that I must have imagined the whole conversation with God. I was one of "those" people - people who claim to have words from God that don't come true.
I cried, I prayed, I questioned. I cried over my dream of a little girl with curls and frills that apparently wasn't going to be mine. I prayed to God, asking Him why He let me be so foolish. I questioned myself as to how I could have been so prideful to have claimed that God spoke to me. Who was I to make such a claim?
I never could shake the feeling though that someone was missing from our family. As those around me and in blogland announced intentions to adopt, I thought that maybe that was what we were meant to do. Yet DH and I never felt a peace about that decision.
Through the summer and fall, I came to acceptance that perhaps we were meant to be a family of three. There are advantages to having one child, and having colic and potty training behind us was nice. I nearly convinced myself that what I had thought was God was just my own heart's longing. Except for some fleeting moments of jealousy when friends announced their pregnancies, I was relatively at peace with my only, lonely child.
Then one morning in December, I woke up with a compulsion to pee on a stick. I had no symptoms, and I had even taken a test 3 days before with a negative result (I had colored my hair and wanted to make sure it was okay to do so). Before the toilet flushed, there were 2 lines. A miracle.
Part of me thought that this must be Grace. Why else would I get pregnant after all this? A few long weeks passed and I was finally far enough along to take an over-the-counter gender test. The test said there was an 80% chance I was having a boy. Boys are good, boys are fine. Perhaps I was supposed to have this boy, and then adopt a little girl. I thought how fun it would be for BB to have a little shadow trying to be a "big boy" like his brother. I got out BB's old baby clothes and thought how sweet a new baby would look.
Weeks 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 c-r-a-w-l-e-d by. Finally, week 20 arrived and with it, the sonogram!
So yesterday DH and I sat in a dark room as the technician smooshed and squished around. We saw the head, the heart, the arms, the legs, and finally she worked her way to the middle. Wouldn't you know it, the baby was shy? But after some manuevering, we got a good shot. And there were 3 lines. Three breath-taking lines.
God is faithful. God keeps His promises. Not on our time line, not on our plans, but His. I don't know His reasons for having us wait so long, but it was worth it.
Grace always is.
As time went on, I felt led to share what I thought I had heard from God with others. As someone who hates being wrong, this was a big deal. I struggled with telling people for a while. After all, who was I to claim that I had heard from God, especially when I had no proof? I didn't feel "holy" enough to purport that God had spoken to me. But I did tell - first a close group of friends that I used to have Bible study with, and then to my readers. I held onto a bit of hope that maybe telling others was an act of faith that God was requiring of me. That maybe once I was willing to embarrass myself, God would give me what I wanted. I waited so eagerly that month, certain that I would have joyous news to share in just a few weeks.
But that didn't happen.
As my 29th birthday came and went, I was crushed. Especially since I have long held 30 as the cut-off date for when DH and I would stop trying for children. Only a tiny ray of hope stayed. I thought that just maybe, God would bless me with another child that would be born just before I turned 30. A child that I could say, "Look! Just in the nick of time, mere weeks before my self-imposed cut-off date, this miracle child of mine was born!"
February, March, April, and May came and went. No child was going to be born right before February of 2011.
I felt like a failure. I felt like a liar. I thought that I must have imagined the whole conversation with God. I was one of "those" people - people who claim to have words from God that don't come true.
I cried, I prayed, I questioned. I cried over my dream of a little girl with curls and frills that apparently wasn't going to be mine. I prayed to God, asking Him why He let me be so foolish. I questioned myself as to how I could have been so prideful to have claimed that God spoke to me. Who was I to make such a claim?
I never could shake the feeling though that someone was missing from our family. As those around me and in blogland announced intentions to adopt, I thought that maybe that was what we were meant to do. Yet DH and I never felt a peace about that decision.
Through the summer and fall, I came to acceptance that perhaps we were meant to be a family of three. There are advantages to having one child, and having colic and potty training behind us was nice. I nearly convinced myself that what I had thought was God was just my own heart's longing. Except for some fleeting moments of jealousy when friends announced their pregnancies, I was relatively at peace with my only, lonely child.
Then one morning in December, I woke up with a compulsion to pee on a stick. I had no symptoms, and I had even taken a test 3 days before with a negative result (I had colored my hair and wanted to make sure it was okay to do so). Before the toilet flushed, there were 2 lines. A miracle.
Part of me thought that this must be Grace. Why else would I get pregnant after all this? A few long weeks passed and I was finally far enough along to take an over-the-counter gender test. The test said there was an 80% chance I was having a boy. Boys are good, boys are fine. Perhaps I was supposed to have this boy, and then adopt a little girl. I thought how fun it would be for BB to have a little shadow trying to be a "big boy" like his brother. I got out BB's old baby clothes and thought how sweet a new baby would look.
Weeks 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19 c-r-a-w-l-e-d by. Finally, week 20 arrived and with it, the sonogram!
So yesterday DH and I sat in a dark room as the technician smooshed and squished around. We saw the head, the heart, the arms, the legs, and finally she worked her way to the middle. Wouldn't you know it, the baby was shy? But after some manuevering, we got a good shot. And there were 3 lines. Three breath-taking lines.
God is faithful. God keeps His promises. Not on our time line, not on our plans, but His. I don't know His reasons for having us wait so long, but it was worth it.
Grace always is.March 2, 2011
Some Thoughts on Thanks
What does it mean to give thanks? Giving thanks is not a term we talk about too much outside of November, even though Christians are instructed to give thanks continually. I started thinking about what the word thanks means this morning when I awoke with “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) running through my mind. This verse is not exactly a verse I would expect to come to mind first thing in the morning. As I recently found out something I did not want to know (not pregnancy related!), I believe that the verse may have been given to me for a reason. Could it be that I am to give thanks for what I was displeased to hear?
Some research into the verse showed that in this verse, the word thanks comes from the Greek word eucharisteo, which means, “to give thanks.” The Greek root words for eucharisteo are eus, which means to be well off, fare well, prosper; acting well, and charis, which means, grace; that which affords joy...favour, of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ...
Eucharisteo is all about God saving us. Eucharisteo, the thanks in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is giving thanks to God for His salvation – in every thing. Regardless of what happens, it is God's will that we continually thank Him for salvation.
Why?
Why is it important that we keep thanking God for salvation?
One reason is that thanking God for our salvation keeps us in perspective. When we think of our salvation, we should be reminded that it is a gift; we don't deserve it. None of us. It is easy as humans to classify sins and make our sins little in light of another's sin. But all sin leads to death. While there are sins that have more impact here on earth, in God's eyes, all sin results in a burden of debt that we alone cannot pay. As a society, we classify sins by severity in order for our imperfect world to function. But God needs no such coping device; He is so Holy that all sin is an affront to Him.
Another reason we should keep thanking God for our salvation is because of the joy that doing so brings us. Who can sing a song such as “I Stand Amazed” or “Wonderful Grace of Jesus” without feeling the joy of the song well up within the heart? Such songs have lyrics that remind us of what was done for us and bring to mind that we are freed from our wretched state. The heavy burden has been taken from us and borne by the only One who can truly carry us.
I found it interesting that in this verse, there does not seem to be a command to thank God for every thing that happens to us. Rather, judging from the word used for thanks, it appears that we are told to thank God for our salvation, even when bad things are happening. When I am confronted by something I do not like, I should not allow the bad to distract me from the good. My present circumstances should not keep me giving thanks for what has already been done for me.
Now that this subject has been brought to my attention, I plan to research this topic some more.
November 16, 2010
Three Generations
This morning, my Bible reading included the story of Hezekiah, Manasseh and Amon, three generations of kings of Judah. Despite having an ungodly father, Hezekiah became one of the godly kings of Judah. Hezekiah did what was right in the eyes of God, except for when he showed the Babylonian envoys the treasures of his kingdom. His pride over his wealth led to Judah's eventual invasion by Babylon.
As punishment for his pride, Hezekiah was told that Babylon would invade and destroy Judah, including his own descendants. I consider his recorded response as telling to his character: " 'The word of the LORD you have spoken is good,' Hezekiah replied. For he thought, 'Will there not be peace and security in my lifetime?' ”(2 Kings 20:19, emphasis added). Hezekiah was more concerned with the present and his own comfort than his children's future.
Granted, Hezekiah was being told something that God was going to do. Having seen God in action many times in his lifetime, Hezekiah had every right to accept what he heard as true. But Hezekiah also knew that God heard and answered prayer. 2 Kings 20 gives the account of when Hezekiah was told that he was going to die from an illness. Instead of accepting what he was told, Hezekiah cried out to God for mercy, and was subsequently healed. The Bible makes no mention of Hezekiah crying out for mercy when it concerned his children's future.
When Hezekiah dies, his son Manasseh succeeds him as king. The Bible states that Manasseh rebuilt the idols and altars to false gods that his father had destroyed (1 Kings 21; 2 Chronicles 33). In other words, Manasseh came after his father and undid his father's work. I would venture that it is safe to assume that a father who places his current security over his children's future does not seek after his children. Manasseh probably knew that Hezekiah valued his own comfort over his son's.
There is some redemption concerning Manasseh, though. Thanks to his own father's pride, Manasseh was carried off to Babylon. According to 2 Chronicles 33:11, the Babylonians came, put a hook through Manasseh's nose, shackled him, and took him to Babylon. The Bible doesn't say if Manasseh had to walk the 500+ mile trip, but I cannot see a conquering army letting a prisoner of such distinction ride. At any rate, it was a profoundly humbling trip. Once in Babylon, Manasseh cried out to God with true repentance. God heard his cries and allowed Manasseh to return to Jerusalem.
Once returned to his home, Manasseh was a changed man. He rebuilt what had been destroyed, threw out the idols, and led the people in only sacrificing to God. Sounds like a new man, right? In many ways, yes. However, Manasseh repeated the failed pattern set for him by his father.
After Manasseh died, his son Amon became king. The Bible tells that Amon "worshiped and offered sacrifices to all the idols Manasseh had made" (2 Chronicles 33:22). Apparently, Manasseh did not completely rid the country of idols since Amon was able to worship idols his father had made. For all of the changes Manasseh made after his return from Babylon, Manasseh left some things undone.
Time and time again, the books of Kings and Chronicles detail how the sons capitalize and embellish upon the sins of their fathers. Amon must have been a very hard-headed young man to not learn from what happened to his father. Amon's wickedness led to a brief reign of only 2 years. After Amon was assassinated, his son Josiah became king.
Parenting in the moment is not enough. A parent is not raising a child; a parent is raising a future adult. A parent needs to remove and destroy the idols in his own life, or run the risk that his children will find the idol and build upon it. Most importantly, however, a parent should intercede for his children. The Bible gives too many examples of God answering prayer for the importance of prayer to be disregarded.
As punishment for his pride, Hezekiah was told that Babylon would invade and destroy Judah, including his own descendants. I consider his recorded response as telling to his character: " 'The word of the LORD you have spoken is good,' Hezekiah replied. For he thought, 'Will there not be peace and security in my lifetime?' ”(2 Kings 20:19, emphasis added). Hezekiah was more concerned with the present and his own comfort than his children's future.
Granted, Hezekiah was being told something that God was going to do. Having seen God in action many times in his lifetime, Hezekiah had every right to accept what he heard as true. But Hezekiah also knew that God heard and answered prayer. 2 Kings 20 gives the account of when Hezekiah was told that he was going to die from an illness. Instead of accepting what he was told, Hezekiah cried out to God for mercy, and was subsequently healed. The Bible makes no mention of Hezekiah crying out for mercy when it concerned his children's future.
When Hezekiah dies, his son Manasseh succeeds him as king. The Bible states that Manasseh rebuilt the idols and altars to false gods that his father had destroyed (1 Kings 21; 2 Chronicles 33). In other words, Manasseh came after his father and undid his father's work. I would venture that it is safe to assume that a father who places his current security over his children's future does not seek after his children. Manasseh probably knew that Hezekiah valued his own comfort over his son's.
There is some redemption concerning Manasseh, though. Thanks to his own father's pride, Manasseh was carried off to Babylon. According to 2 Chronicles 33:11, the Babylonians came, put a hook through Manasseh's nose, shackled him, and took him to Babylon. The Bible doesn't say if Manasseh had to walk the 500+ mile trip, but I cannot see a conquering army letting a prisoner of such distinction ride. At any rate, it was a profoundly humbling trip. Once in Babylon, Manasseh cried out to God with true repentance. God heard his cries and allowed Manasseh to return to Jerusalem.
Once returned to his home, Manasseh was a changed man. He rebuilt what had been destroyed, threw out the idols, and led the people in only sacrificing to God. Sounds like a new man, right? In many ways, yes. However, Manasseh repeated the failed pattern set for him by his father.
After Manasseh died, his son Amon became king. The Bible tells that Amon "worshiped and offered sacrifices to all the idols Manasseh had made" (2 Chronicles 33:22). Apparently, Manasseh did not completely rid the country of idols since Amon was able to worship idols his father had made. For all of the changes Manasseh made after his return from Babylon, Manasseh left some things undone.
Time and time again, the books of Kings and Chronicles detail how the sons capitalize and embellish upon the sins of their fathers. Amon must have been a very hard-headed young man to not learn from what happened to his father. Amon's wickedness led to a brief reign of only 2 years. After Amon was assassinated, his son Josiah became king.
Parenting in the moment is not enough. A parent is not raising a child; a parent is raising a future adult. A parent needs to remove and destroy the idols in his own life, or run the risk that his children will find the idol and build upon it. Most importantly, however, a parent should intercede for his children. The Bible gives too many examples of God answering prayer for the importance of prayer to be disregarded.
September 14, 2010
The Mercy House
Many of you know Kristen from We Are THAT Family. God has gifted Kristen with the ability to write and the passion to help change the world. After her trip to Kenya with Compassion last March, Kristen came back with a heart forever changed. She and her family are embarking on an exciting adventure to minister to some of the young girls who live in Kenya. She can't do it alone, though. Please check out The Mercy House to learn more about Kristen's plan to minister to some of the people who need it the most and expect it the least.
While you're there, won't you please prayerfully consider how you might contribute, or pass on the word of this new ministry?
While you're there, won't you please prayerfully consider how you might contribute, or pass on the word of this new ministry?
I've talked before how DH and I have struggled to find a church. Between the two of us, we have had no problem finding problems with the churches we have visited - too big, no growth, too much like our old church, etc. If it was just DH and I, finding a new church probably wouldn't be such a big deal. However, since we have BB, we know that whatever church we join will most likely be the church that BB attends throughout childhood.
I personally think that it is important to not only attend church, but to also join a church. I think that becoming a member of a church adds a sense of ownership, if you will. With the goal of joining a church in mind, each church we've visited has gone through intense scrutiny. From these past few years, I have learned one important thing - everyone is wrong. There is no perfect denomination or church. Finding a church to join seems to mean finding one that has the flaws you can live with. Part of the problem is undoubtedly with me. I tend to over think things and nit-pick. I wish I could just subscribe to a system of beliefs without hesitation.
I think a Catholic might cite this as one of the problems with Protestants - there's too much of a cafeteria-style of belief. Growing up in the Bible belt, I have become accustomed to people leaving whenever a church becomes disagreeable. In my own town, there are over 100 churches with most denominations having several choices. I have made the comment several times to DH that I sometimes wish I lived in a small town that only had 1 church per denomination.
I know I'm not the only person to have ever faced this problem. Does anyone out there agree 100% with their church's teachings? If so, did you grow up in the church? For those of you who don't agree 100%, how did you decide to join? If you have children, how do you address the differences between what your church teaches and what you believe?
I personally think that it is important to not only attend church, but to also join a church. I think that becoming a member of a church adds a sense of ownership, if you will. With the goal of joining a church in mind, each church we've visited has gone through intense scrutiny. From these past few years, I have learned one important thing - everyone is wrong. There is no perfect denomination or church. Finding a church to join seems to mean finding one that has the flaws you can live with. Part of the problem is undoubtedly with me. I tend to over think things and nit-pick. I wish I could just subscribe to a system of beliefs without hesitation.
I think a Catholic might cite this as one of the problems with Protestants - there's too much of a cafeteria-style of belief. Growing up in the Bible belt, I have become accustomed to people leaving whenever a church becomes disagreeable. In my own town, there are over 100 churches with most denominations having several choices. I have made the comment several times to DH that I sometimes wish I lived in a small town that only had 1 church per denomination.
I know I'm not the only person to have ever faced this problem. Does anyone out there agree 100% with their church's teachings? If so, did you grow up in the church? For those of you who don't agree 100%, how did you decide to join? If you have children, how do you address the differences between what your church teaches and what you believe?
September 9, 2010
Now THAT'S Convicting
As I cleaned out the cabinet where I store my videos, BB went through them.
"What's this one? Can I watch this one?" he asked, holding each video up.
Sometimes my answer was "Yes, but not right now. Mommy's busy." Other times, the answer was, "when you're a little older."
Then he came to one of my favorite movies -
"How about this one? Can I see it?"
"Um, not until you're a grown-up."
"Does it have garbage in it?"
"Yes."
"Garbage goes in the trash can. I'll go throw it away."
I couldn't really stop him, now could I? I couldn't tell him that it had garbage and then explain that I wanted to keep it. Because he was right - garbage does go in the trash.
Nothing has so clearly pointed out my flaws and shortcomings as having a child.
"What's this one? Can I watch this one?" he asked, holding each video up.
Sometimes my answer was "Yes, but not right now. Mommy's busy." Other times, the answer was, "when you're a little older."
Then he came to one of my favorite movies -
"How about this one? Can I see it?"
"Um, not until you're a grown-up."
"Does it have garbage in it?"
"Yes."
"Garbage goes in the trash can. I'll go throw it away."
I couldn't really stop him, now could I? I couldn't tell him that it had garbage and then explain that I wanted to keep it. Because he was right - garbage does go in the trash.
Nothing has so clearly pointed out my flaws and shortcomings as having a child.
September 6, 2010
Anger
This past week has found me as an observer to events that make me mad. Events that I had nothing to do with, and physically can do nothing about. Still, the events affect me in a roundabout way and more importantly, the events hurt countless people.
In some ways, the events came as no surprise. But there are some details that caught me completely off guard. After the initial feeling of shock, I have felt anger. The person responsible isn't a Christian. But I am. So where does that leave me in my reaction?
The Bible frequently mentions God being angry over His people pursuing idols. In those instances, the people were denying God what was rightfully His. In some way, I feel justified at being angry. The person's actions will be denying others what is rightfully theirs. But how does God view my anger?
There are other places within the New Testament that are along the same lines, and many more in the Old Testament. This situation is something that I'm not going to pray over just once. I know that this is something I am going to have to give to God over and over as the events continue to unfold. I do know that it is hard to be angry with someone if you are praying for them. While I can't see how things can end in any good manner, I know that I serve a God of miracles. I know that God can make good come out of any circumstance.
Pray with me?
In some ways, the events came as no surprise. But there are some details that caught me completely off guard. After the initial feeling of shock, I have felt anger. The person responsible isn't a Christian. But I am. So where does that leave me in my reaction?
The Bible frequently mentions God being angry over His people pursuing idols. In those instances, the people were denying God what was rightfully His. In some way, I feel justified at being angry. The person's actions will be denying others what is rightfully theirs. But how does God view my anger?
James 1:19-21 (NIV)My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
Anger is not something that I should give in to easily. "Anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." Chances are, if I'm angry about something, I am not focusing on God and I am instead focusing on me. I think it's interesting to note that the next verse talks about moral filth and evil. If anger is left unchecked and allowed to run wild, it can lead the way to all manner of things taking hold in one's life.
Ephesians 4:26-27;31-32 (NIV)
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold... Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Anger is something to let go of quickly. If I get angry, I am to still remain in control of myself. I am still held to the same standard of behavior. My anger is to be short-lived - most likely to prevent grudges and plans for revenge. If I'm not going to hold onto something, I have to let go. Who better to give it to than God? The importance of forgiveness is addressed, along with a reminder that we have all been forgiven.
Corinthians 13:4-6 (NIV)Love is patient... it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Anger is something to be forgotten. When someone messes up, I'm not supposed to hold their wrongs against them. Before last week, I held out hope that the situation would be rectified. Given the recent developments, though, it looks as though that isn't going to happen. Now that the person has chosen their course of action, I'm not supposed to hold it over the person's head forever. I am not the judge.
There are other places within the New Testament that are along the same lines, and many more in the Old Testament. This situation is something that I'm not going to pray over just once. I know that this is something I am going to have to give to God over and over as the events continue to unfold. I do know that it is hard to be angry with someone if you are praying for them. While I can't see how things can end in any good manner, I know that I serve a God of miracles. I know that God can make good come out of any circumstance.
Pray with me?
June 14, 2010
Faith and Feelings
Sometimes it can be really hard to believe. To have faith. Long time readers know I have wanted another child for the past 3 years. A desire that has not gone away, or diminished. As I approach my personal deadline to get pregnant with another child, I find myself questioning the situation once again. In the past 3 years, I have never felt called to stop being open to life. I have, however, felt called to keep having faith. Fragile, finite person that I am, I find this upcoming 3-year mark very frustrating.
About 6 months after we started being open to another child, I felt like God spoke to me about the matter. I felt like I had been told that I would have a daughter whom I would name Grace. That experience was very similar to other times when I know that God spoke, which led me to believe that it was Him. Especially the fact that I was told to name the daughter Grace. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I've had a different name than that picked out for a girl since high school. So why Grace?
Fast forward 2.5 years from that encounter, and I'm skeptical of what I heard, if I heard. Yes, there's the name thing. But maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me. Cruel, horrible tricks. Tricks that get my hopes up every month only to see them crash and burn.
I remember how I felt when I stayed pregnant with BB. I was so excited. I thought I had been healed, that more babies would be a given. I have never felt called to remain open to life all of my child-bearing days, and I have said in the past no kids past 30. As I find myself at 29, with a (almost) 4 year-old only child, I am questioning that. I don't feel led to call it quits. But I don't feel hopeful, either.
Did I really hear God? Or do I just want something so much that I thought I heard? But if I just imagined it, then what's the explanation for the name?
I try to console myself that God's timing is not my timing. I know that God sometimes has us wait for things because He's knows we're not ready. I'm okay with that explanation until I wonder what exactly I'm being prepared for.
About 6 months after we started being open to another child, I felt like God spoke to me about the matter. I felt like I had been told that I would have a daughter whom I would name Grace. That experience was very similar to other times when I know that God spoke, which led me to believe that it was Him. Especially the fact that I was told to name the daughter Grace. Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I've had a different name than that picked out for a girl since high school. So why Grace?
Fast forward 2.5 years from that encounter, and I'm skeptical of what I heard, if I heard. Yes, there's the name thing. But maybe that was just my mind playing tricks on me. Cruel, horrible tricks. Tricks that get my hopes up every month only to see them crash and burn.
I remember how I felt when I stayed pregnant with BB. I was so excited. I thought I had been healed, that more babies would be a given. I have never felt called to remain open to life all of my child-bearing days, and I have said in the past no kids past 30. As I find myself at 29, with a (almost) 4 year-old only child, I am questioning that. I don't feel led to call it quits. But I don't feel hopeful, either.
Did I really hear God? Or do I just want something so much that I thought I heard? But if I just imagined it, then what's the explanation for the name?
I try to console myself that God's timing is not my timing. I know that God sometimes has us wait for things because He's knows we're not ready. I'm okay with that explanation until I wonder what exactly I'm being prepared for.
May 19, 2010
What do you think?
Earlier today, I wrote a keeping-it-real post. And no, I didn't publish it, so you didn't miss anything. As I wrote more of my post, the more it sounded to me like complaining. And I don't know about you, but I was raised believing that complaining is a sin. And that if a person complained, they shouldn't be too surprised if God took stuff away from them as a result.
I don't really want to get into the theological aspect of that, because that all leads to a big deep discussion about good and evil. And I for one am not cut out to have that conversation. But I do think that complaining is wrong. And I do believe that the Bible instructs us to not complain.
Yet it's unrealistic to go through life with everything a-ok. I don't think that Christians are to be some type of Stepford people. Denying real problems and frustrations is only going to make matters worse in the long run.
So - I have a question - in this day and age of keeping things real and being honest, what do YOU think is the line (if any) that divides acknowleding that life isn't perfect, and complaining?
I don't really want to get into the theological aspect of that, because that all leads to a big deep discussion about good and evil. And I for one am not cut out to have that conversation. But I do think that complaining is wrong. And I do believe that the Bible instructs us to not complain.
Yet it's unrealistic to go through life with everything a-ok. I don't think that Christians are to be some type of Stepford people. Denying real problems and frustrations is only going to make matters worse in the long run.
So - I have a question - in this day and age of keeping things real and being honest, what do YOU think is the line (if any) that divides acknowleding that life isn't perfect, and complaining?
April 4, 2010
Easter
When I was a child, my parents were careful about limiting secular influences. Anything that could be associated with paganism or the occult was strictly forbidden. There were a lot of things that I didn't do and see as a child. This also carried over into the holidays, which meant that my family didn't celebrate Easter. Instead, we observed Passover (based on Jesus' instructions to the disciples).
While the Christians around us celebrated Easter, only the "heathens" had egg hunts and the Easter Bunny. If you had asked me, I would have given you a long speech about the roots of each symbol, which were viewed as part of a master plan to eliminate the Christian aspect of the holiday.
When I started dating, DH, I knew that his family participated in what I "knew" to be pagan and secular. But I never anticipated the conflicts that would arise when DH and I had children of our own. I guess I thought that I would miraculously bring DH and his family around to my way of thinking. Any guess on how well that's going?
Needless to say, those traditions in DH's family continue even now, with the cousins now bringing their kids to the old homeplace for eggs hunts.
While we didn't attend the family Easter dinner/egg hunt this year, we have done so every year in the past. Barring unforeseen circumstances, we will attend next year. At some point between now and next year, I have to determine what exactly I tell my son about the holiday.
Right now, BB knows the story of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection. He knows that there are Easter eggs and egg hunts, although he's never asked why he doesn't do so. The first few years I kept him inside during the egg hunt so he didn't know what he was missing. Next year I won't be able to get away with that. So how do you explain why you don't do something without demonizing those that do?
I know that I'm not going to give BB the same speech about Druids and fertility rites that I heard as a child. Given my penchant for making my faith a solely intellectual religion, I know better to engage on a complete sweep of all that is secular. To do so would ultimately create within me a sense of self-righteous pride and my reasons for not doing things would become my religion.
There are those who acknowledge the pagan roots of egg hunts and still carry them out as a sign that the pagan roots have been redeemed. In a way I do agree with this line of reasoning, but that seems too easy to me. Even if you do use the "eggs represent the new life we have in Christ" argument, why hide the eggs and fill them with prizes? Doesn't the candy then become the focus of the holiday?
While the Christians around us celebrated Easter, only the "heathens" had egg hunts and the Easter Bunny. If you had asked me, I would have given you a long speech about the roots of each symbol, which were viewed as part of a master plan to eliminate the Christian aspect of the holiday.
When I started dating, DH, I knew that his family participated in what I "knew" to be pagan and secular. But I never anticipated the conflicts that would arise when DH and I had children of our own. I guess I thought that I would miraculously bring DH and his family around to my way of thinking. Any guess on how well that's going?
Needless to say, those traditions in DH's family continue even now, with the cousins now bringing their kids to the old homeplace for eggs hunts.
While we didn't attend the family Easter dinner/egg hunt this year, we have done so every year in the past. Barring unforeseen circumstances, we will attend next year. At some point between now and next year, I have to determine what exactly I tell my son about the holiday.
Right now, BB knows the story of Jesus' death, burial, and resurrection. He knows that there are Easter eggs and egg hunts, although he's never asked why he doesn't do so. The first few years I kept him inside during the egg hunt so he didn't know what he was missing. Next year I won't be able to get away with that. So how do you explain why you don't do something without demonizing those that do?
I know that I'm not going to give BB the same speech about Druids and fertility rites that I heard as a child. Given my penchant for making my faith a solely intellectual religion, I know better to engage on a complete sweep of all that is secular. To do so would ultimately create within me a sense of self-righteous pride and my reasons for not doing things would become my religion.
There are those who acknowledge the pagan roots of egg hunts and still carry them out as a sign that the pagan roots have been redeemed. In a way I do agree with this line of reasoning, but that seems too easy to me. Even if you do use the "eggs represent the new life we have in Christ" argument, why hide the eggs and fill them with prizes? Doesn't the candy then become the focus of the holiday?
February 2, 2010
Conviction
If I'm pleased to learn that another is a Christian, why don't I do more to witness?
If I hope nice people I meet are Christians, aren't I reducing Christianity to a reward?
Christianity isn't a reward.
Christianity has nothing to do with the person who receives, and everything to do with the Person who gave.
So why do I try to pick and choose who hears the Good News?
I'm
Not
the
One
who
died.
If I hope nice people I meet are Christians, aren't I reducing Christianity to a reward?
Christianity isn't a reward.
Christianity has nothing to do with the person who receives, and everything to do with the Person who gave.
So why do I try to pick and choose who hears the Good News?
I'm
Not
the
One
who
died.
January 11, 2010
A Year of Prayer
Father,
Thank you for my son. Help me to always be thankful for him, to be patient with him. Help me to be the type of mother that he needs in order to grow up to be the man that You want him to be. Help him to live up to his name's meaning, "faithful that the Lord is God." Help him to be strong in his convictions, to have courage to stay the course. Help him to resist temptations and the lure of acceptance. Make him fearless, Lord, when it comes to his faith; for standing up for what is right. Mold him into a leader, an honorable man. Help him to become a good husband, a good father. Be with his wife. Shield her. Give her a happy childhood. Help her to come to the marriage with a joyful heart, without any baggage. Help my son to avoid the mistakes made by his father and I. Break the generational yokes that have been passed down, both known and unknown. Watch over and protect. Hold him in the palm of Your hand.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen.
December 22, 2009
A Christmas Reflection
Rush, rush rush, there's so much to do. Things to clean, to bake, to buy, to wrap. There is an Advent wreath to light each night as children sit with rapt attention. There are Advent devotionals to be read aloud, guaranteed to turn all hearts towards the Reason for the season.
Yet reality sets in. Three days before Christmas, you realized that you forgot dear Aunt So-and-So. The mail comes and in it you find cards from people you didn't send a card to this year. The Advent candle is unlit more often than not. When you actually do light the candles, you spend more time keeping little hands from harm than you do in quiet reverence. The Advent devotions which seemed so simplistic and heart-felt in the store, lose much of their meaning when read aloud to little bodies that don't want to sit still.
This is all enough to make you throw in the towel and pack up the Nativity. Bring on the heathens! Let's forget these special, sacred moments and go buy bigger stockings for Santa!
Granted, some families do well at keeping things simple for Christmas. But it is possible to make even simplifying a complex task.
Finding out that your good intentions have turned into yet another crazy Christmas can make you feel like a failure. Despite all of your preparations, life intervenes and you are caught unready. Yet don't allow what you haven't done to keep you from Christmas. Instead, think about what it must have been like for Mary.
That first Christmas found a young girl perhaps feeling very much unprepared. I'm sure she had spent time thinking about how things would be when she had her first baby. She probably envisioned the community midwife, or family, to assist her during the birth and right after. With Joseph being a carpenter, Mary might have well imagined Joseph lovingly building a cradle for the baby. In addition to the regular nervousness of a first-time mother, Mary knew that this wasn't an ordinary baby. The stakes were much higher.
I'm sure that God followed the rules of His creation and had a nine-month gestation for His Son. Mary had advance notice for the birth. But where did she find herself during labor? In a barn, in a town far away from family. Mary found herself birthing the baby with only Joseph to help. The same Joseph that Mary hadn't slept with yet. Forget any virginal modesty about the first time your husband sees you.
There was no experienced figure to assist and reassure. There wasn't even a familiar bed or surroundings. There was a barn, most likely a dark and dirty cave. And who should come to visit after the birth, but shepherds? Shepherds who weren't highly regarded in their culture.
None of this was a surprise to God. He knew His Son would be born in Bethlehem, in those exact circumstances.
God worked just as He intended, in circumstances that probably felt very inadequate to the people involved. He still does today.
Yet reality sets in. Three days before Christmas, you realized that you forgot dear Aunt So-and-So. The mail comes and in it you find cards from people you didn't send a card to this year. The Advent candle is unlit more often than not. When you actually do light the candles, you spend more time keeping little hands from harm than you do in quiet reverence. The Advent devotions which seemed so simplistic and heart-felt in the store, lose much of their meaning when read aloud to little bodies that don't want to sit still.
This is all enough to make you throw in the towel and pack up the Nativity. Bring on the heathens! Let's forget these special, sacred moments and go buy bigger stockings for Santa!
Granted, some families do well at keeping things simple for Christmas. But it is possible to make even simplifying a complex task.
Finding out that your good intentions have turned into yet another crazy Christmas can make you feel like a failure. Despite all of your preparations, life intervenes and you are caught unready. Yet don't allow what you haven't done to keep you from Christmas. Instead, think about what it must have been like for Mary.
That first Christmas found a young girl perhaps feeling very much unprepared. I'm sure she had spent time thinking about how things would be when she had her first baby. She probably envisioned the community midwife, or family, to assist her during the birth and right after. With Joseph being a carpenter, Mary might have well imagined Joseph lovingly building a cradle for the baby. In addition to the regular nervousness of a first-time mother, Mary knew that this wasn't an ordinary baby. The stakes were much higher.
I'm sure that God followed the rules of His creation and had a nine-month gestation for His Son. Mary had advance notice for the birth. But where did she find herself during labor? In a barn, in a town far away from family. Mary found herself birthing the baby with only Joseph to help. The same Joseph that Mary hadn't slept with yet. Forget any virginal modesty about the first time your husband sees you.
There was no experienced figure to assist and reassure. There wasn't even a familiar bed or surroundings. There was a barn, most likely a dark and dirty cave. And who should come to visit after the birth, but shepherds? Shepherds who weren't highly regarded in their culture.
None of this was a surprise to God. He knew His Son would be born in Bethlehem, in those exact circumstances.
God worked just as He intended, in circumstances that probably felt very inadequate to the people involved. He still does today.
November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving
As we finish the preparations which began days ago,
Take time today to do more than just enjoy the food.
Because we truly have been blessed.
August 31, 2009
Choosing the Good
A while back, I wrote about some upsetting news. On a whim, I decided to Google my birth dad's name, just to see what popped up. I didn't expect to find anything with his name, except for perhaps an obituary. No one has heard anything about him for a while, so I half expected him to be dead. I was greatly surprised when the first result for his name was the Florida list of sex offenders. I clicked on the link, which provided a picture, his date of birth, and his criminal record. After digging out my baby book and comparing the birth dates and the pictures that I have, I had no choice but to conclude that it was, indeed, my birth dad. Reading through his criminal record was a sad affair, full of substance abuse, repeated arrests, jail time, and two known victims of his abuse. Sexual abuse is part of my history as well, and I know how devastating it can be. When I realized that I shared DNA with someone who could do that, I didn't know what to think.
My personality is such that when I receive bad news, I retreat. I'm not the type to talk to a lot of people and seek people out. I prefer to be left alone. Nevertheless, I did talk to a couple of friends about what I was feeling. One friend in particular was helpful in her unexpected reaction to my news. While she was sympathetic to me, she also saw the good in the situation - this was my birth dad I was talking about, not my dad. God had removed me from that person's influence by arranging my adoption years ago. While I did experience sexual abuse, thankfully it was when I was older and it wasn't by a family member. I didn't have to deal with the double trauma of early abuse and incest.
When I left this friend's company, I was still sad over what I had learned, but I was also able to thank God for showing me so clearly how He had provided for me. My adoption has always been painful to me. I've struggled with feeling unwanted and abandoned for most of my life. I've asked "Why?" more times than I can count. I've known that my birth parents were deeply flawed. I've known that I was far better off with my adopted parents, and I'm grateful for them. But it wasn't until I learned just how flawed my birth dad is and then spoke to my friend that I was able to see God's providence.
How often does our perspective take our eyes off of our ability to see God's providence? What would happen if we purposefully chose to see the good in every situation?
My personality is such that when I receive bad news, I retreat. I'm not the type to talk to a lot of people and seek people out. I prefer to be left alone. Nevertheless, I did talk to a couple of friends about what I was feeling. One friend in particular was helpful in her unexpected reaction to my news. While she was sympathetic to me, she also saw the good in the situation - this was my birth dad I was talking about, not my dad. God had removed me from that person's influence by arranging my adoption years ago. While I did experience sexual abuse, thankfully it was when I was older and it wasn't by a family member. I didn't have to deal with the double trauma of early abuse and incest.
When I left this friend's company, I was still sad over what I had learned, but I was also able to thank God for showing me so clearly how He had provided for me. My adoption has always been painful to me. I've struggled with feeling unwanted and abandoned for most of my life. I've asked "Why?" more times than I can count. I've known that my birth parents were deeply flawed. I've known that I was far better off with my adopted parents, and I'm grateful for them. But it wasn't until I learned just how flawed my birth dad is and then spoke to my friend that I was able to see God's providence.
How often does our perspective take our eyes off of our ability to see God's providence? What would happen if we purposefully chose to see the good in every situation?
August 10, 2009
Why Wait? Get Married! Part 4
If you haven't read what started all of this, you can find the article here. In Part 2, I wrote about my personal experience with marrying young. In Part 3, I wrote about the financial aspect of young marriage.
If you interpret the Bible literally, as many evangelicals do, one of the primary purposes for marriage is to have children and to then raise them up in a Godly manner (Genesis 9:7; Deuteronomy 11:19; Psalm 127:4,5). Time and time again, the importance of a family is stressed in the Bible. Granted, having children to carry on the family line and to assist with the day to day was crucial in that time and culture. Yet it is also important today. After all, who better to have children than a married couple committed to following God?
More and more couples, though, are experiencing difficulties in having children. Undoubtedly, environmental factors are a big reason behind many cases of infertility. But how much of the problem is also to blame for later marriages followed by prolonging childbearing so the couple can "get to know" each other? God seems to have designed people to reproduce the best prior to their 30s. Shouldn't it stand to reason, then, that perhaps most people are meant to marry and have children at a younger age than they are currently doing?
Please don't misconstrue that I am saying infertility is some type of punishment for marrying later and waiting to have children. I know that not everyone meets their person at 20. However, I have observed many couples who have dated 5, 7 years even, then waited until 3 or 4 years before they started working on their family. Some of them have had no trouble conceiving, while others have. As someone who struggled to have a child, and is now struggling to have another child, I know how agonizing it can be each month to realize that your dream of a child isn't coming true.
If you interpret the Bible literally, as many evangelicals do, one of the primary purposes for marriage is to have children and to then raise them up in a Godly manner (Genesis 9:7; Deuteronomy 11:19; Psalm 127:4,5). Time and time again, the importance of a family is stressed in the Bible. Granted, having children to carry on the family line and to assist with the day to day was crucial in that time and culture. Yet it is also important today. After all, who better to have children than a married couple committed to following God?
More and more couples, though, are experiencing difficulties in having children. Undoubtedly, environmental factors are a big reason behind many cases of infertility. But how much of the problem is also to blame for later marriages followed by prolonging childbearing so the couple can "get to know" each other? God seems to have designed people to reproduce the best prior to their 30s. Shouldn't it stand to reason, then, that perhaps most people are meant to marry and have children at a younger age than they are currently doing?
Please don't misconstrue that I am saying infertility is some type of punishment for marrying later and waiting to have children. I know that not everyone meets their person at 20. However, I have observed many couples who have dated 5, 7 years even, then waited until 3 or 4 years before they started working on their family. Some of them have had no trouble conceiving, while others have. As someone who struggled to have a child, and is now struggling to have another child, I know how agonizing it can be each month to realize that your dream of a child isn't coming true.
Why Wait? Get Married! Part 3
This is Part 3 of a series. You can find Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.
There are, of course, problems with marrying young, just as there are problems with marrying late. When you marry young, money is often scarce. Couples who do marry young tend to never have the same level of financial security as couples who marry later on do. The difference is even wider if the couple goes on to have children immediately vs. waiting several years to have children. Statistics for divorce cite marrying young, having financial problems, and having children early on in the marriage as factors that raise the probability of divorce. Couples who marry young are also less likely to go on to higher education and to complete their degrees.
There isn't a set solution for this problem. I think that the question of higher education should be answered on a case-by-case basis. Some parents might be willing to assist their newlywed children. If the couple doesn't have a conviction against loans, most young marrieds are so poor that they qualify for all types of financial aid. ;) My parents were generous enough to pay my tuition my last year of college, while DH received financial assistance for all of his college.
Some couples may want to do as we did, taking turns working and going to school. This does make the odds of both people finishing college less likely, though, especially if the couple has children. The woman in particular is more likely to never receive her degree. However, if the couple intends for the woman to be a SAHM, then the issue of her obtaining her degree might not be a problem. While I believe in women going to college and receiving their education, I understand that not everyone desires that.
I know that some of you out there might read this and decide that I am advocating women staying home barefoot and pregnant. That is not the case. I believe that college and other forms of higher education benefit every aspect of life. Parents who have higher education can often enrich their own child's education. What I am advocating is purity in dating and marriage. The institute of marriage is crumbling at an alarming rate, even within the church. I believe that the shaky foundations laid while dating are the cause of many marriages failing.
If you're skeptical, consider this: there are estimates that up to 80% of Christians have sex before marriage. I believe one of the reasons for this can be that while the average age of puberty is 12 or 13, the average age for marriage is 25 or 27 (U.S. Census). That's 13 or so years dealing with a God-given desire. This doesn't mean that 12 and 13 year-olds are wanting to go out and have sex, but they are beginning to have that idea. The idea is only going to increase as the child grows up, which is how God designed it to be. Many young Christians are able to withstand the temptations, but many don't.
I have known several couples who dated, only to break up when the feelings became too intense. I commend these people for having the courage to stand up for their purity, even though it meant their heartbreak. But I wonder how things would have been different if they had felt the freedom to marry? What would have happened if they had the knowledge that they could go ahead and marry at 20, instead of waiting another 5 years?
Yes, I know that God will equip the believer with the strength to resist temptation if the believer seeks Him. And yes, I know that Jesus lived 30-some years without ever sinning. But is the emotional and physical distress worth it? Humans are, by their very nature, sinful creatures. Knowing that you can marry the person you love at 20 as opposed to 25 can be a huge relief to couples who are burdened with their God-given desires for each other, yet desiring to please God.
The time spent being single is a wonderful, God-appointed time to spend growing closer to Him before marriage and family distract. There is nothing wrong with waiting to marry. But there shouldn't be condemnation of couples who do marry young. Rather, the church should surround the couple and provide mentoring and discipleship, things that are missing on nearly every level in the modern church.
There are, of course, problems with marrying young, just as there are problems with marrying late. When you marry young, money is often scarce. Couples who do marry young tend to never have the same level of financial security as couples who marry later on do. The difference is even wider if the couple goes on to have children immediately vs. waiting several years to have children. Statistics for divorce cite marrying young, having financial problems, and having children early on in the marriage as factors that raise the probability of divorce. Couples who marry young are also less likely to go on to higher education and to complete their degrees.
There isn't a set solution for this problem. I think that the question of higher education should be answered on a case-by-case basis. Some parents might be willing to assist their newlywed children. If the couple doesn't have a conviction against loans, most young marrieds are so poor that they qualify for all types of financial aid. ;) My parents were generous enough to pay my tuition my last year of college, while DH received financial assistance for all of his college.
Some couples may want to do as we did, taking turns working and going to school. This does make the odds of both people finishing college less likely, though, especially if the couple has children. The woman in particular is more likely to never receive her degree. However, if the couple intends for the woman to be a SAHM, then the issue of her obtaining her degree might not be a problem. While I believe in women going to college and receiving their education, I understand that not everyone desires that.
I know that some of you out there might read this and decide that I am advocating women staying home barefoot and pregnant. That is not the case. I believe that college and other forms of higher education benefit every aspect of life. Parents who have higher education can often enrich their own child's education. What I am advocating is purity in dating and marriage. The institute of marriage is crumbling at an alarming rate, even within the church. I believe that the shaky foundations laid while dating are the cause of many marriages failing.
If you're skeptical, consider this: there are estimates that up to 80% of Christians have sex before marriage. I believe one of the reasons for this can be that while the average age of puberty is 12 or 13, the average age for marriage is 25 or 27 (U.S. Census). That's 13 or so years dealing with a God-given desire. This doesn't mean that 12 and 13 year-olds are wanting to go out and have sex, but they are beginning to have that idea. The idea is only going to increase as the child grows up, which is how God designed it to be. Many young Christians are able to withstand the temptations, but many don't.
I have known several couples who dated, only to break up when the feelings became too intense. I commend these people for having the courage to stand up for their purity, even though it meant their heartbreak. But I wonder how things would have been different if they had felt the freedom to marry? What would have happened if they had the knowledge that they could go ahead and marry at 20, instead of waiting another 5 years?
Yes, I know that God will equip the believer with the strength to resist temptation if the believer seeks Him. And yes, I know that Jesus lived 30-some years without ever sinning. But is the emotional and physical distress worth it? Humans are, by their very nature, sinful creatures. Knowing that you can marry the person you love at 20 as opposed to 25 can be a huge relief to couples who are burdened with their God-given desires for each other, yet desiring to please God.
The time spent being single is a wonderful, God-appointed time to spend growing closer to Him before marriage and family distract. There is nothing wrong with waiting to marry. But there shouldn't be condemnation of couples who do marry young. Rather, the church should surround the couple and provide mentoring and discipleship, things that are missing on nearly every level in the modern church.
Why Wait? Get Married! Part 2
This article, which I shared in Part 1, brings up something that I have been thinking about for the past year or so. When DH and I married, we were 20 and 21. Far too young, according to many people. And I will admit that we didn't have a proper relationship prior to our marriage. Sex was a deciding factor for us getting married before we were finished with college. We knew that we shouldn't continue dating given the way our relationship was going.
I am not saying that sex should be the sole reason a couple gets married. I certainly don't think that a couple should marry at the first tinge of attraction. But what are we doing by encouraging couples to wait for marriage (as is commanded by God in the Bible) while at the same time insisting that they complete college and perhaps even work a few years before getting married?
On issues like this, the pros and cons of each choice make it hard to know what's really right. Other than what the Bible says, I don't have a way to know what is the best choice for any situation.
What I do know is what I have done. The first few years were difficult, I admit. DH worked full-time the first year of our marriage, taking a break from college so that I could finish my last year of college. Then I worked the next three years while he finished with his college.
We would have had an easier time financially if we had waited to get married until after graduation. Things would have been even "better" if we had both then worked full-time for a few years before having BB. As it was, DH graduated college early May 2006, I finished my last year teaching late that May, and BB was born that July. We have never had a time where we have had two incomes.
Yet the financial aspect is not the only thing to consider. After all, Christians are to trust God to provide for all of our needs. There is nothing like being a broke newlywed to teach the importance of faith. Had we not married when we did, I doubt we would have still been together post-college. It is my belief that marriage was the way to redeem our relationship. Yes, God does forgive all sin. We certainly could have confessed to God our wrongs and been forgiven - which we did.
However, for us to then break up and marry other people would have created a new problem. When a couple sleeps together and then break ups because they had sex, they are not freed from that person just because they broke up. Once you have sex with a person, you're one flesh, according to the Bible. In a way, it can be argued that sleeping together, breaking up and marrying another person is very similar to divorcing and then remarrying, an act that many churches believe to be unbiblical*.
I want to be clear and say that I don't feel like I had to marry DH. I wanted to marry him, and I'm glad that I did. I believe that God used our poor choices, just as He can use anyone's choice for His purpose. He is, after all, God. He has a best plan for our lives, but that doesn't mean that our mistakes catch Him off guard or leave Him wondering what to do next. I believe He knows what He would like us to do, and He knows what we will do. God didn't plan for us to have premarital sex, but He knew that we would. He allowed the subsequent guilt and remorse to cause us to move up our plans to marry, as we decided it was better to marry early than to leave the situation open to more sinning. For us, marrying earlier was the best option.
*I am obviously not talking about marrying your rapist or anything like that. My argument is solely for couples who have both willingly engaged in premarital sex.
I am not saying that sex should be the sole reason a couple gets married. I certainly don't think that a couple should marry at the first tinge of attraction. But what are we doing by encouraging couples to wait for marriage (as is commanded by God in the Bible) while at the same time insisting that they complete college and perhaps even work a few years before getting married?
On issues like this, the pros and cons of each choice make it hard to know what's really right. Other than what the Bible says, I don't have a way to know what is the best choice for any situation.
What I do know is what I have done. The first few years were difficult, I admit. DH worked full-time the first year of our marriage, taking a break from college so that I could finish my last year of college. Then I worked the next three years while he finished with his college.
We would have had an easier time financially if we had waited to get married until after graduation. Things would have been even "better" if we had both then worked full-time for a few years before having BB. As it was, DH graduated college early May 2006, I finished my last year teaching late that May, and BB was born that July. We have never had a time where we have had two incomes.
Yet the financial aspect is not the only thing to consider. After all, Christians are to trust God to provide for all of our needs. There is nothing like being a broke newlywed to teach the importance of faith. Had we not married when we did, I doubt we would have still been together post-college. It is my belief that marriage was the way to redeem our relationship. Yes, God does forgive all sin. We certainly could have confessed to God our wrongs and been forgiven - which we did.
However, for us to then break up and marry other people would have created a new problem. When a couple sleeps together and then break ups because they had sex, they are not freed from that person just because they broke up. Once you have sex with a person, you're one flesh, according to the Bible. In a way, it can be argued that sleeping together, breaking up and marrying another person is very similar to divorcing and then remarrying, an act that many churches believe to be unbiblical*.
I want to be clear and say that I don't feel like I had to marry DH. I wanted to marry him, and I'm glad that I did. I believe that God used our poor choices, just as He can use anyone's choice for His purpose. He is, after all, God. He has a best plan for our lives, but that doesn't mean that our mistakes catch Him off guard or leave Him wondering what to do next. I believe He knows what He would like us to do, and He knows what we will do. God didn't plan for us to have premarital sex, but He knew that we would. He allowed the subsequent guilt and remorse to cause us to move up our plans to marry, as we decided it was better to marry early than to leave the situation open to more sinning. For us, marrying earlier was the best option.
*I am obviously not talking about marrying your rapist or anything like that. My argument is solely for couples who have both willingly engaged in premarital sex.
Why Wait? Get Married! Part 1
This article on Fox News' website today happens to deal with a subject I have long thought about. Rather than write a mile-long post (which, let's face it, you wouldn't read), I'm going to divide my take on this over the next few posts. I'd love to get some feedback on these posts, so feel free to chime in. I'll give my opinion on issues raised in the comments as the last post in this series. For starters, here's the link to the article:
Can't Wait for Sex? Just Get Married, Some Say - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News - FOXNews.com
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Can't Wait for Sex? Just Get Married, Some Say - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News - FOXNews.com
Posted using ShareThis
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