August 13, 2009

When it Hurts to Breathe

Those who know me, or have read this blog for a while, know that I am adopted. And while my adoption was an open adoption within the family, there have always been unanswered questions - mostly because I've been scared to ask. Because if I ask a question, I might get an answer.
I am grateful to be adopted. I am far better off having been adopted. But there are very deep scars that can come with adoption. I have always carried with me the question of why. Up until 4 years ago, I kept in contact with my birth mother. I have never been in contact with my birth father. I've never wanted to be in contact with him. Still, I've always been curious.
Thanks to Google, I can type in names and get answers. This can be good and bad. Now, I know. Now, I wish I didn't know. I may or may not post more about this later on. I may or may not blog for a while. Just pray for me. The wind has been knocked out of me, and I am dreading that first painful breath.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, Heather! I am so sorry your heart is hurting so bad. I'm sorry the circumstances of your birth and adoption are so painful. I do know that you were not an accident, but a beautiful woman created by a wonderful Father who has a special place in this world. You are a great mother to BB and a very dear friend. If you want to go out for coffee let me know. We don't have to talk about it, but sometimes it helps just to be with a friend.

    I love you and am praying for you.

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  2. Heather...I am sorry for the hurt you are experiencing right now. Please know that I will be keeping you in my prayers. Maybe opening up to this semi-anonymous blog world might someday hope to ease the pain. We're here for you!

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  3. I am praying! Not sure what else needs to be said, but just know you are being lifted up to HIM!

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  4. Oh Heather.....may the God of all comfort provide each and every breath for you...and may you know the love of your Father in Heaven as being sufficient Grace in this time. His timing, though sometimes painful and mystifying to us, is always, always perfect. Know of my prayers.

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  5. I am so sorry you're going through a difficult time - I will pray for you, gladly, and wish you peace. Love.

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  6. I'm so sorry you are struggling. I can't imagine what it must be like, but I can pray. And I will. :)

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  7. Heather,
    I am so sorry to hear how you are hurting! You will be in my prayers tonight and in the days to come. May you have peace and understanding as you rest in your Heavenly Father.

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  8. Wow! I hope you receive a bunch of "virtual hugs" across the miles. So sorry. I need to pray for my blue and brown sister.

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  10. Whatever you have discovered, you looked for it, and now you have to deal with it.

    Whatever you have discovered, you will have to feel it and grieve it and work through it.

    But when you come to a calmer place, one where you can see more clearly and not hurt so much, it may be that God will use this episode for you to pray FOR your biological father. In fact, there may be no other purpose for this than for that end - that the Lord has called you to pray for this individual for a purpose/reason you may never know in this life.

    For the record, I too am adopted. I know my birth parents. If you ever want to talk about it, just let me know. I am here for you.

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  11. You are in my prayers, my bloggy friend. I pray God's peace and comfort for you. I pray you will know how much Your Heavenly Father loves you and feels every hurt you're experiencing.

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  12. I'm so sorry, Heather. I hope that the love of your friends and family and your sweet little boy can bring you some comfort right now...and of course, prayers. I'll keep you in mine.

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  13. I'm sorry that what you found out was so disturbing. It's so hard to know which is better: knowing or not knowing.

    Wishing you peace as you ponder this new information.

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  14. I'm praying for you - hang in there. My husband is adopted too... and while his experience is different, there surely are questions. His birth parents were older though, and we don't think they'd still be alive now. He doesn't have any desire to find them or even look for information - but I can imagine that there would be some growing pains in finding out information about them.

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Thank you so much for caring enough to leave a comment! I typically don't respond to each separate comment here on my blog. If you would like to ask me a question and have my reply, please feel free to e-mail me at heathershodgepodge@hotmail.com