My Wedding

• The church I wanted to get married in wasn't large enough to accommodate DH's family.
• My friend who sang at the wedding was dumped by her boyfriend on her way to the wedding rehearsal.
• It started raining just as I arrived at the church, my hair and makeup done already.
• When I got into the car after having my makeup done, I accidentally shut my veil in the car door, pulling it crooked. No one told me, and I didn't notice until we got the wedding pictures back.
• I didn't realize that heavier makeup is needed for photos, so my wedding pictures look like I'm not wearing makeup. I didn't want to look THAT natural.
• I wanted to wear my mom's wedding dress, but alterations weren't permitted.
• I wanted to get married barefoot, but the cost to hem my dress that much led me to wear heels that killed my feet.
• The florist disregarded my request for simple spring bouquets of daisies, roses and hydrangeas. Those flowers were present, but there was nothing simple about the arrangements.
• DH and I wrote our own vows. I spoke loud enough for the audience to hear, while DH spoke so that I could hear. We both disagreed with how the other person spoke.
• The minister was supposed to read 1 Corinthians 13 as a passage. Instead, he expounded in length about each part of the verse.
• DH's youngest brother passed out during the closing prayer. The people taping our wedding edited it out.
• We arranged for a nursery for children during the wedding. The teething twins came into the church anyway.
• I wanted light finger foods for the reception - relish trays and finger sandwiches. I got fried chicken fingers, Swedish meatballs, and mini hotdogs in barbecue sauce.
• The baker for my cake used hot pink icing instead of rose pink to trim the cake.
• Just because someone has a fancy camera doesn't make them a photographer. There are some angles that are more flattering than others, and a good photographer knows this.

Despite all that, I loved my wedding. Because it all came down to this:

Happy 8th Anniversary, DH.

Why Wait? Get Married! Part 4

If you haven't read what started all of this, you can find the article here. In Part 2, I wrote about my personal experience with marrying young. In Part 3, I wrote about the financial aspect of young marriage.
If you interpret the Bible literally, as many evangelicals do, one of the primary purposes for marriage is to have children and to then raise them up in a Godly manner (Genesis 9:7; Deuteronomy 11:19; Psalm 127:4,5). Time and time again, the importance of a family is stressed in the Bible. Granted, having children to carry on the family line and to assist with the day to day was crucial in that time and culture. Yet it is also important today. After all, who better to have children than a married couple committed to following God?
More and more couples, though, are experiencing difficulties in having children. Undoubtedly, environmental factors are a big reason behind many cases of infertility. But how much of the problem is also to blame for later marriages followed by prolonging childbearing so the couple can "get to know" each other? God seems to have designed people to reproduce the best prior to their 30s. Shouldn't it stand to reason, then, that perhaps most people are meant to marry and have children at a younger age than they are currently doing?
Please don't misconstrue that I am saying infertility is some type of punishment for marrying later and waiting to have children. I know that not everyone meets their person at 20. However, I have observed many couples who have dated 5, 7 years even, then waited until 3 or 4 years before they started working on their family. Some of them have had no trouble conceiving, while others have. As someone who struggled to have a child, and is now struggling to have another child, I know how agonizing it can be each month to realize that your dream of a child isn't coming true.

Why Wait? Get Married! Part 3

This is Part 3 of a series. You can find Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.
There are, of course, problems with marrying young, just as there are problems with marrying late. When you marry young, money is often scarce. Couples who do marry young tend to never have the same level of financial security as couples who marry later on do. The difference is even wider if the couple goes on to have children immediately vs. waiting several years to have children. Statistics for divorce cite marrying young, having financial problems, and having children early on in the marriage as factors that raise the probability of divorce. Couples who marry young are also less likely to go on to higher education and to complete their degrees.
There isn't a set solution for this problem. I think that the question of higher education should be answered on a case-by-case basis. Some parents might be willing to assist their newlywed children. If the couple doesn't have a conviction against loans, most young marrieds are so poor that they qualify for all types of financial aid. ;) My parents were generous enough to pay my tuition my last year of college, while DH received financial assistance for all of his college.
Some couples may want to do as we did, taking turns working and going to school. This does make the odds of both people finishing college less likely, though, especially if the couple has children. The woman in particular is more likely to never receive her degree. However, if the couple intends for the woman to be a SAHM, then the issue of her obtaining her degree might not be a problem. While I believe in women going to college and receiving their education, I understand that not everyone desires that.
I know that some of you out there might read this and decide that I am advocating women staying home barefoot and pregnant. That is not the case. I believe that college and other forms of higher education benefit every aspect of life. Parents who have higher education can often enrich their own child's education. What I am advocating is purity in dating and marriage. The institute of marriage is crumbling at an alarming rate, even within the church. I believe that the shaky foundations laid while dating are the cause of many marriages failing.
If you're skeptical, consider this: there are estimates that up to 80% of Christians have sex before marriage. I believe one of the reasons for this can be that while the average age of puberty is 12 or 13, the average age for marriage is 25 or 27 (U.S. Census). That's 13 or so years dealing with a God-given desire. This doesn't mean that 12 and 13 year-olds are wanting to go out and have sex, but they are beginning to have that idea. The idea is only going to increase as the child grows up, which is how God designed it to be. Many young Christians are able to withstand the temptations, but many don't.
I have known several couples who dated, only to break up when the feelings became too intense. I commend these people for having the courage to stand up for their purity, even though it meant their heartbreak. But I wonder how things would have been different if they had felt the freedom to marry? What would have happened if they had the knowledge that they could go ahead and marry at 20, instead of waiting another 5 years?
Yes, I know that God will equip the believer with the strength to resist temptation if the believer seeks Him. And yes, I know that Jesus lived 30-some years without ever sinning. But is the emotional and physical distress worth it? Humans are, by their very nature, sinful creatures. Knowing that you can marry the person you love at 20 as opposed to 25 can be a huge relief to couples who are burdened with their God-given desires for each other, yet desiring to please God.
The time spent being single is a wonderful, God-appointed time to spend growing closer to Him before marriage and family distract. There is nothing wrong with waiting to marry. But there shouldn't be condemnation of couples who do marry young. Rather, the church should surround the couple and provide mentoring and discipleship, things that are missing on nearly every level in the modern church.

Why Wait? Get Married! Part 2

This article, which I shared in Part 1, brings up something that I have been thinking about for the past year or so. When DH and I married, we were 20 and 21. Far too young, according to many people. And I will admit that we didn't have a proper relationship prior to our marriage. Sex was a deciding factor for us getting married before we were finished with college. We knew that we shouldn't continue dating given the way our relationship was going.
I am not saying that sex should be the sole reason a couple gets married. I certainly don't think that a couple should marry at the first tinge of attraction. But what are we doing by encouraging couples to wait for marriage (as is commanded by God in the Bible) while at the same time insisting that they complete college and perhaps even work a few years before getting married?
On issues like this, the pros and cons of each choice make it hard to know what's really right. Other than what the Bible says, I don't have a way to know what is the best choice for any situation.
What I do know is what I have done. The first few years were difficult, I admit. DH worked full-time the first year of our marriage, taking a break from college so that I could finish my last year of college. Then I worked the next three years while he finished with his college.
We would have had an easier time financially if we had waited to get married until after graduation. Things would have been even "better" if we had both then worked full-time for a few years before having BB. As it was, DH graduated college early May 2006, I finished my last year teaching late that May, and BB was born that July. We have never had a time where we have had two incomes.
Yet the financial aspect is not the only thing to consider. After all, Christians are to trust God to provide for all of our needs. There is nothing like being a broke newlywed to teach the importance of faith. Had we not married when we did, I doubt we would have still been together post-college. It is my belief that marriage was the way to redeem our relationship. Yes, God does forgive all sin. We certainly could have confessed to God our wrongs and been forgiven - which we did.
However, for us to then break up and marry other people would have created a new problem. When a couple sleeps together and then break ups because they had sex, they are not freed from that person just because they broke up. Once you have sex with a person, you're one flesh, according to the Bible. In a way, it can be argued that sleeping together, breaking up and marrying another person is very similar to divorcing and then remarrying, an act that many churches believe to be unbiblical*.
I want to be clear and say that I don't feel like I had to marry DH. I wanted to marry him, and I'm glad that I did. I believe that God used our poor choices, just as He can use anyone's choice for His purpose. He is, after all, God. He has a best plan for our lives, but that doesn't mean that our mistakes catch Him off guard or leave Him wondering what to do next. I believe He knows what He would like us to do, and He knows what we will do. God didn't plan for us to have premarital sex, but He knew that we would. He allowed the subsequent guilt and remorse to cause us to move up our plans to marry, as we decided it was better to marry early than to leave the situation open to more sinning. For us, marrying earlier was the best option.
*I am obviously not talking about marrying your rapist or anything like that. My argument is solely for couples who have both willingly engaged in premarital sex.

Why Wait? Get Married! Part 1

This article on Fox News' website today happens to deal with a subject I have long thought about. Rather than write a mile-long post (which, let's face it, you wouldn't read), I'm going to divide my take on this over the next few posts. I'd love to get some feedback on these posts, so feel free to chime in. I'll give my opinion on issues raised in the comments as the last post in this series. For starters, here's the link to the article:

Can't Wait for Sex? Just Get Married, Some Say - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News - FOXNews.com

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