A Decade

10 years ago today, DH and I started dating. I had my doubts about our relationship. I thought that DH would break up with me. But he didn't. When I had doubts, he was confident. When I felt unworthy of his love, he reaffirmed me.
If 9-11 hadn't happened, I doubt that DH and I would still celebrate our dating anniversary. Yet celebrating our life together each year on 9-11 has become one small way of showing that the American spirit can't be snuffed out. We will always remember what happened on 9-11. We will always morn the loss of life. But we will never stop supporting, never stop celebrating what we hold dear: God, family, and country.

Christmas formal, 2000
In high school, I never had a date ask me to a dance or prom. So my first formal with a date was with my Beloved.

August 12, 2001
DH had planned on proposing on our one-year anniversary. But he couldn't wait that long. The day after he proposed, I had my mom take some pictures of us. Some of the pictures were dressed up, but others, like this, was in reference to DH's country upbringing.

June 22, 2002
I love this picture. I love that I am smiling as DH leans in to kiss me at our wedding. So many things went wrong with our wedding, but we got the vows right ;)

May 2003
Our first year of marriage found DH working and me finishing my senior year of college. Not exactly the best way to spend your first year of marriage, but we survived. I will forever associate our first year of marriage with hot dogs and Godzilla movies ;p

In our 10 year together, we've moved from our parent's homes to 3 separate dwellings of our own. We've been through weddings and funerals. We've even sported some fabulous looks, such as when DH decided to grow his hair out,

June, 2004

or when we've dressed in costume (as Miss Haversham and Mankind for a masquerade party).

2005

We hoped and prayed for parenthood, and we have embraced the changes that come with that, like sleep-deprivation and mood swings.
2006

We don't have too much time just to ourselves anymore. Most of our "dates" come as a result of a birthday or wedding:
2007

But we are loving this 3 people life.

2008

2009

To the boy who asked me out,
the man who made me his wife,
the husband who made me a mother,
the father who works for our future -
thank you for the best decade of my life to date.
I can't wait for the next 10, 20, 30 and beyond -
with you.

My Wedding

• The church I wanted to get married in wasn't large enough to accommodate DH's family.
• My friend who sang at the wedding was dumped by her boyfriend on her way to the wedding rehearsal.
• It started raining just as I arrived at the church, my hair and makeup done already.
• When I got into the car after having my makeup done, I accidentally shut my veil in the car door, pulling it crooked. No one told me, and I didn't notice until we got the wedding pictures back.
• I didn't realize that heavier makeup is needed for photos, so my wedding pictures look like I'm not wearing makeup. I didn't want to look THAT natural.
• I wanted to wear my mom's wedding dress, but alterations weren't permitted.
• I wanted to get married barefoot, but the cost to hem my dress that much led me to wear heels that killed my feet.
• The florist disregarded my request for simple spring bouquets of daisies, roses and hydrangeas. Those flowers were present, but there was nothing simple about the arrangements.
• DH and I wrote our own vows. I spoke loud enough for the audience to hear, while DH spoke so that I could hear. We both disagreed with how the other person spoke.
• The minister was supposed to read 1 Corinthians 13 as a passage. Instead, he expounded in length about each part of the verse.
• DH's youngest brother passed out during the closing prayer. The people taping our wedding edited it out.
• We arranged for a nursery for children during the wedding. The teething twins came into the church anyway.
• I wanted light finger foods for the reception - relish trays and finger sandwiches. I got fried chicken fingers, Swedish meatballs, and mini hotdogs in barbecue sauce.
• The baker for my cake used hot pink icing instead of rose pink to trim the cake.
• Just because someone has a fancy camera doesn't make them a photographer. There are some angles that are more flattering than others, and a good photographer knows this.

Despite all that, I loved my wedding. Because it all came down to this:

Happy 8th Anniversary, DH.

My Hubby

DH is often referenced on this blog, but typically it is just in passing. Most of my people postings are about BB, but let's face it - he wouldn't be here without DH! ;) In honor of Valentine's Day this upcoming weekend, I thought I'd fill you in a bit about DH.
Many of you know that DH and I met in a college Biology class, where DH was my lab partner. I was a sophomore, he was a freshman. He had just graduated from homeschooling, had never been to a regular school, and was from a tiny, tiny town near the college we attended. He was so different from the other guys I knew. It's true what they say about opposites attracting...
We started dating September 11, 2000. I knew that I was going to marry him the first time he kissed me. I hoped and hoped that he would propose that first Christmas. He waited instead to propose August 11, 2001. He originally planned to propose on our one-year anniversary, but thank God he didn't! Before he proposed, I had a dream about how he was going to propose and I even told him about the dream. He was very surprised, but he kept to his original plans of proposing in the Biology room where we met.
We married the following June, between my junior and senior year of college. Since I was a year ahead of DH in school, I kept going to college while he took a year off. He worked for slightly more than minimum wage at a hardware store. I don't ever remember hearing him complain a single time about working while I went to school. I graduated in 2003, and taught for 3 years while he finished up college.
DH is a software engineer for a large company. This is not his dream job. He ideally would like to work for a video game company. However, he has chosen to work a job that provides security instead. His job is demanding; it is not uncommon for him to work 50+ hours a week.
DH is very artistic. He can draw almost anything he sees. Most of my projects (okay, ALL of my projects - except scrap booking) involve me telling him what I'd like done. He uses this artistic ability and his programming know-how to work on a computer game in what little free time he has. He has been working on the game for several years, drawing the images, scanning them into the computer, and programming the character's movements. He is going for an old-school fight game, the kind that were in many arcades in the 80's and 90's.
In addition to drawing and video games, DH reads a fair amount. He reads non-fiction almost exclusively. Most of what he reads is over my head. I prefer my books to be fiction that don't require me to think. DH also plays guitar, although not very much since BB's arrival. He has written some music and has recorded some on the computer. With the exception of talking to people we know who play guitar, DH is self-taught. He has never had a formal lesson. Yet he knows way more about chords and key progressions than I do with all of my years of piano.
DH often goes to work after BB wakes up. 98% of the time, DH is the one to get BB changed and with his "chocalit milk and a Fintstone!" each morning. It is not unusual for DH to go back to work once BB is down for the evening. He could simply stay at work later each day, and have the evening to himself for free time. However, that would mean that he would rarely see BB, so he chooses to come home for a while. Nearly every night when DH comes home from work, he and BB play pillows. This is what they call their wrestling game on our bed amidst all of the pillows. BB loves it, and looks forward to DH coming home each evening. DH and BB frequently go on "SuperCoolDudes" outings - no mommies allowed. They will go to the "tractor store" (Lowe's), or the "train store" (Books-a-Million) for an hour or so, leaving me with some peace and quiet.
I have referenced my deep abiding love for Dunkin Donuts before. BB shares that sentiment with me. Prior to my decision to live healthier (aka diet), DH indulged us with coffee (for me) and doughnuts (for both of us) from DD 1-2 times a week. He would also frequently surprise me with a little treat from the store, or would make a run to the store if I wanted something particular. This started when I was pregnant with BB, and somehow the lovely practice never stopped.
DH and I have very different tastes in music and movies. I won't begin to lists the bands that he likes, because you won't have heard of them. DH prefers music that is complex; I prefer my music to have meaningful lyrics with a catchy tune. For movies, DH likes old cheesy movies, such as "Plan B from Outer Space," the Godzilla movies, and science fiction. He does like regular movies also, but he seems to be more enthusiastic about the cheesy corny films. If you've ever watched "Mystery Science Theater 3000," you've undoubtedly seen some of the movies that DH likes. I must admit that some of those movies are so poorly done that their awfulness makes them enjoyable.
DH is a devoted father and husband. He makes sure everyday that BB and I know we are loved. I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Happy (early) Valentine's Day, DH!

A Love Story

Not terribly original, I don't even know why I wrote this. But I felt I needed to, so here it is:

There is a bride. She is the first bride. Ever. A beautiful, perfect bride who has the distinction of being created expressly for her groom. Her groom is the real Prince Charming. His father is king not just of the land, but of the entire universe. Only the best will do for such a prince, and she is exactly that. She is the picture of perfection, exquisite in every way, beautifully dressed. As preparation for the royal wedding, she has been given every gift imaginable, including the highly prized gift of free will. Her days are carefree. She lives in the most beautiful garden, where each day, her beloved meets her for a walk. Sadly, the bride doesn't use her gifts wisely. She is ungrateful. When she is told that her groom's father is trying to keep all knowledge from her, she violates the trust given to her and misuses her gift of free will. Too late, she learns that it was all a horrible trick that she has fallen for.

Disgraced, she runs away, only to find that by falling for the trick, she is now a slave to a monster. In her shame and unhappiness, the bride is unfaithful and does terrible things. The more the bride does to fight her status as a slave, the deeper she is trapped. Her crime of rejecting her groom and his family carries the penalty of death. Only blood can satisfy the sentence. A sentence of death that will last for eternity. But the bridegroom still loves her. Her betrothed seeks her out and meets with her owner to bargain for his bride's release. He doesn't care what she has done. He looks through the dirt and grime that covers his beloved and still finds her beautiful, worthy of his love. She has destroyed her dress and defiled her body with countless lovers, but it doesn't matter to him.

The groom knows how eager the bride's owner is to watch the bride suffer and die. He knows that her owner wants nothing more than to kill her. The law of the land demands that blood be shed to atone for the crime of rejecting the royal family. Undeterred, the bridegroom gives his blood in place of the bride's. His clothes, which have always been pristine, become filthy rags. His face becomes unrecognizable as He suffers abuse on her behalf. The king cannot watch what is happening to his son. He turns away at the sight of his perfect son covered in blood and filth. The son feels deeply his father turning away, and he calls out to his father. Amazingly, the groom has been quiet throughout the whole ordeal, not even speaking when it would have saved him. But now, his anguish at being rejected overcomes him and he cries over the lost fellowship.

The bride watches all of this, speechless. Her beloved has gone through this terrible punishment because of her actions. She has led her groom to be killed in a gruesome manner. Her perfect groom, the prince. She locks herself away and grieves. Days pass, and with the third day brings new hope, a miracle. Her beloved returns, alive. As unbelievable as it sounds, he has come back to her. He holds her tenderly and pledges his love to her anew. He tells her that he willingly died for her and that he would gladly do it again. The bride sobs with a mixture of regret and remorse. His clothes, once spotless, then filthy rags, have been replaced with his usual princely attire. His shining clothes and face make her aware that she is still wearing the clothing of a slave. Her clothes aren't even good enough to be rags. It seems that no matter how hard she scrubs her clothes or tries to be careful, her clothing keeps getting stained worse and worse. Fittingly, the stains are always scarlet. Scarlet like the blood she saw flow from her beloved.

She backs away from him, not willing to dirty his clothes, especially after all he has been through for her. The groom seems to read her thoughts and reassures her that it is all right. He loves her regardless of how she is attired, but he longs to see her rightfully clothed as his bride. Disbelieving, she searches his face for a clue to his meaning. Surely he must know how much she regrets running away and being deceived. She remembers her beautiful dress that once clothed her. She is shamed at how far she has let herself go. She looks down at the floor in disgrace and mumbles that she wishes she could be his bride again. But she knows that she can't. She haltingly tells him that she wishes she could wear such a shining white example of beauty. But, as she motions to her current clothes, these rags seem to suit her better. After all, she caused his death. While yes, he is alive again by some miracle, she knows her place is now away from him. She can never forgive herself for her actions, for causing the terrible price he paid to free her, for causing his own father to turn away from him.

Weeping violently now, she falls to the floor. Her tears flowing, she watches as her tears splash His feet. Even now, he bears the marks of her actions. His beautiful feet are pierced, the wounds still fresh. Not wanting her salty tears to cause him more pain, she tries to wipe them away. But with what? Her clothes are too dirty to do much good, even though she has washed them over and over. Her hair. Her hair might work. She wipes away at her tears that are flowing over his feet. She tries to excuse herself, to tell him how much she regrets her actions. But all that comes out is, “Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.” He reaches down and pulls her off of the floor. A great light seems to fill the room, taking her breath away, causing her tears to cease.

The bride dares to lift her eyes and finds such kindness, such love, shining in the eyes of the groom. Her heart, so scarred and heavy from her actions, feels hopeful and light. She feels forgiven, fresh, new – whole. The way she felt as a girl in the garden before she ran away. Before she was deceived. She catches a glimpse of her sleeve and gasps. She looks down at her clothes in wonder. The filthy scarlet rags are gone. In their place is her gorgeous bridal dress, the one that she thought she would never see again. Her feet are shod in finely crafted slippers, jewels glisten around her neck. As she walks to a mirror, she catches sight of a veil. The most intricate, elaborate veil ever made now adorns her hair. Her groom reaches behind her to pull the veil over her face. She holds up a hand to stop Him, because only virgins are veiled. She - is not. She shouldn't even be wearing a dress made of white, much less a bridal gown. As she explains, her groom's eyes fill with compassion. How much she still doesn't understand! He lovingly tells her that her veil, her dress, are all hers to wear because of his death. His death not only freed her from being a slave, it also washed away every trace of her past life. When she asked him for forgiveness, every record of her transgression was discarded, never to be seen again. He places the veil over her face and leads her out the door where she sees a bridal party has assembled, a feast prepared. For her. And Him. The bride and her Groom.

An Anniversary

Note: this is a long post. Reading this post while sleepy or operating heavy machinery is not advised. Portions of this posting contain song lyrics. To avoid reading the song lyrics, skip over the words that are blue. As with this and any other advice, consult your doctor before deciding what works best for you.

On Sunday, DH and I will celebrate our 6^th wedding anniversary. I sometimes think that we have been married longer than this, because I find it hard to remember a time when we were not together. We met in September 2000, and we married in June 2002. The first five years of our relationship were rocky, mainly because of me. I broke up with DH at least 3 times before we got married. I have a hard time trusting people and being open. These difficulties can make any relationship struggle, but especially romantic relationships. Years of bad choices had left their mark with me. I doubted DH at first. I wouldn't let myself get too happy about the relationship, or feel too deeply. When I first really listened to the words of this song, I was amazed at how lyrics reflected the beginning of our dating relationship. While intended to be about a person's relationship with God, this song spoke to me in a time of intense doubting if I could ever let myself be happy.

Fearless (DC Talk)

Haunted by a jaded past/Never thought that love could last/Hope was but a castaway at sea/Skepticism took its toll/Closed the windows to my soul/Was fighting just to keep my sanity/When out of the noise I could hear you breathing/You came along knowing just what I needed/Turned me around and ya got me believin/You would die for me/Now I'm fearless with nothing left to hide/All the doubts of yesterday, love has driven them away/And now I'm fearless when I am by your side/Its forever me and you in this covenant of truth/Ya know I'm fearless...oh yeah/Patiently you stripped away/The walls of pride that I had raised/You revealed the child inside of me/We will run and not grow old/Soar on wings as I've been told
Together we will fly the heavenlies/'Cause out of the noise I could hear you breathing/You came along knowing just what I needed/Turned me around and ya got me believin/I would die for you/Some of us leave the vine/Some of us fall in line/All of us have a friend in Jesus
Some of us live in fear/Some of us persevere/Knowing that you are near me, I am fearless

Once I reached the point where I could accept the fact that DH really, truly loved me, I was amazed that it was possible. I felt that his love was destined to be short-lived. I tried to enjoy the relationship while it lasted. I alternated between being thankful that I had someone to love me, and being scared that at any moment, he would stop loving me. I tried to push him away before he pushed me away. God is good; my attempts didn't work, and DH never pushed me away. He had some difficult times, but I don't think that he has ever stopped loving me.

DH proposed to me on our 11 month dating anniversary. He was going to propose on our one-year anniversary, but he couldn't wait that long. Our one-year anniversary was 9/11, so I'm glad that he didn't make plans for that day. The night he proposed, he was driving me home when this song came on the radio. We always reminisce when we hear this song.

I Got You Babe (Sonny and Cher)

They say we're young and we don't know/We won't find out until we grow/Well I don't know if all that's true/'Cause you got me, and baby I got you/Babe/I got you babe/I got you babe/They say our love won't pay the rent/Before it's earned, our money's all been spent/I guess that's so, we don't have a pot/But at least I'm sure of all the things we got/Babe/I got you babe/I got you babe/I got flowers in the spring/I got you to wear my ring/And when I'm sad, you're a clown/And if I get scared, you're always around/Don't let them say your hair's too long/'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong/Then put your little hand in mine/There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb/Babe/I got you babe/I got you babe/I got you to hold my hand/I got you to understand/I got you to walk with me/I got you to talk with me/I got you to kiss goodnight/I got you to hold me tight/I got you, I won't let go/I got you to love me so/I got you babe/I got you babe/I got you babe/I got you babe/I got you babe

With all of this new-found love, the years we would have to wait until we could get married seemed impossible. Both of our parents wanted us out of college with good jobs before we got married. We were looking at a 3-year engagement. Both of these songs meant a lot to us during our engagement; the joy of loving someone, and the agony of not seeing each other every day.

The Way You Love Me (Faith Hill)

If I could grant/You one wish/I'd wish you could see the way you kiss/Ooh, I love watching you/Baby/When you're driving me crazy/Ooh, I love the way you/Love the way you love me/
There's nowhere else I'd rather be/Ooh, to feel the way I feel with your arms around me/I only wish that you could see the way you love me/The way you love me/It's not right/It's not fair/What you're missing over there/Someday I'll find a way to show you/Just how lucky I am to know you/Ooh, I love the way you/Love the way you love me/There's nowhere else I'd rather be/Ooh, to feel the way I feel with your arms around me/I only wish that you could see the way you love me/The way you love me/You're the million reasons why/There's love reflecting in my eyes/Ooh, I love the way you/Love the way you love me/There's nowhere else I'd rather be/Ooh, to feel the way I feel with your arms around me/I only wish that you could see the way you love me/The way you love me/The way you love me/Ooh, the way you love me/The way you love me

Wouldn't It Be Nice? (Beach Boys)

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older/Then we wouldn't have to wait so long/And wouldn't it be nice to live together/In the kind of world where we belong/You know its gonna make it that much better/When we can say goodnight and stay together/Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up/In the morning when the day is new/And after having spent the day together/Hold each other close the whole night through/Happy times together we've been spending/I wish that every kiss was never ending/Wouldn't it be nice/Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true/Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do/We could be married/And then we'd be happy/Wouldn't it be nice/You know it seems the more we talk about it/It only makes it worse to live without it/But let's talk about it/Wouldn't it be nice

FYI, my mother is convinced that these songs are about s-e-x, but I never thought so. I wanted them played at our reception, but my mom said no.

Our parents decided that we could get married earlier than originally planned. We married the summer after my junior year of college. DH took a year off from school and worked while I finished college, and then I worked while he finished. We used these two songs during our wedding ceremony to signify our commitment to staying together.

I Will Be Here (Steven Curtis Chapman)

Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up/And the sun does not appear/I will be here/If in the dark we lose sight of love/Hold my hand and have no fear/'Cause I will be here/I will be here.../When you feel like bein' quiet/When you need to speak your mind/I will listen/And I will be here/When the laughter turns to cryin'/Through the winnin' and losin' and tryin'/We'll be together/'Cause I will be here/Tomorrow mornin' if you wake up/And the future is unclear/I'll be here/Just as sure as seasons are made for change/Our lifetimes are made for years/I will be here/I will be here..../You can cry on my shoulder/When the mirror tells us we're older/I will hold you/And I will be here/To watch you grow in beauty/And tell you all the things you are to me/I will be here/I will be true/To the promise I have made/To you and to the/One who gave you to me/I will be here/And just as sure as seasons are made for change/Our lifetimes are made for years/'Cause I.../I will be here..../We'll be together/'Cause I will be here

Grow Old Along with Me (John Lennon)

Grow old along with me/The best is yet to be/When our time has come/We will be as one/
God bless our love/God bless our love/Grow old along with me/Two branches of one tree/Face the setting sun/When the day is done/God bless our love/God bless our love/
Spending our lives together/Man and wife together/World without end/World without end/
Grow old along with me/Whatever fate decrees/We will see it through/For our love is true/
God bless our love/God bless our love