How to Build a Sandwich

(by BB)
What you need butter bread knife cheeze
Put the bread and plate. then remove the bread. then shake it. so the bugs will crawl off. (out of your house) then put butter on the bread. (on aech side) then put the cheeze on then put another pice of bread on then put the sandwich on the stove for 1/4 munets then you... HAVE IT! go to www.howtomakethangs.com for more manules

Well, he is funny...

Perhaps someone else out there knows what it is like to wake up one morning in opposite land. You could have sworn you said one thing, but your child acts as though you said the opposite, At my house, we've been in opposite world for years now. But on the bright side, my contrary kid is at least funny...


6/9/11
I'm going to close your door because you don't need to hear what I'm playing. It's too violent.

6/22/11
When Grace is a kid I'm going to ask God for Joshua so we can be twelveplets (he meant triplets).

6/25/11
Mommy! You have tiny spikes all over your legs!

7/18/11
BB: Can I have something else to eat?
Me: Sure, you can have fruit.
BB: No fruit!
Me: How about some cherries?
BB: Oh yeah, I love cherries!

7/21/11
Squedgy: the condition of wearing a wet shirt that is hard to get off.

7/31/11
BB wisdom: If you stick a fork in an outlet you would be electricicuted.
BB fact: Ben (his uncle) gladuated from high school.

8/11/11
Mom, dinosaurs were around when you were a little girl, right?

8/27/11
Mommy, don't bother me. That's a bad habit to get into.

 

8/28/11
(upon seeing a picture of a corded phone) Mom, what's that?

9/28/11
Mom, that's not a Martian it's an alien!

10/5/11I know everything except what I do not know. I am serious.

10/5/11
(regarding schoolwork) I can't think about that. I don't have any brains today.


10/21/11
BB(on a long car ride): What does the P with a line through it mean?
DH: No parking.
BB: Oh, I thought it meant don't pee on the road

10/31/11
Mommy, why do you still have a big tummy? Grace is out.


11/10/11
I'll never eat a possum. I'll only eat spam.

12/8/11
Grace is my favorite sister.

12/10/11
Hey I've been looking for this block for thousand and thousand and thousand of years.
 12/13/11
I changed my mind about wanting a baby brother. I might as well have a baby sister.

12/14/11
Grace is the calmest person in my world. And she's pretty.

12/20/11
Remember the spider that was four feet long and one foot tall that was crawling along the living room and I got scared and died?

12/22/11

I'm gonna get u a long sleeve shirt that says I love mommy on it and that's gonna be the bestest shirt a mommy can wear.

1/23/12

The only thing I want to eat is meat. I'm a meat eater, just like the t-Rex.

1/25/12
Is the candy wax made out of ear wax?

2/4/12
Haven't you gotten tired of telling me what to do yet?

3/29/12
I wish I was wearing long sleeves so I wouldn't have to get a Kleenex.
 5/8/12
Have you gotten your mother's day present yet? It's jewelry.

:)

How would YOU eat a doughnut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles?

BB-isms

I think FB has taken much of my blogging fodder, as I had to go to FB to retrieve these bits. Here's a quick look at some of the funny BB sayings and doings the past year:

1/19/10 - (BB gives a loud yawn) - "I guess I'm just not tired today." Five minutes later, he was asleep.

2/19/10 - (a BB mondegreen) "Christmas, Christmas time is here. Time for fun and time for cheer. So bring us lots of TOYS!"

4/12/10 - "Time for a bath," DH informs BB. To which BB replied, "there's no reason to go to bath."

7/19/10 - (BB to me) "I'm going to make a big mess for you to clean up."

8/9/10 - "Daddy, when you were a little boy did you have a little girlfriend named Mommy?"

8/31/10 - (BB to me) "What's that song called?"
"Hush Little Baby."
"I'm not a baby! What. Is. The. Name. Of. That. Song?"

9/7/10 - "BB, use your napkin." "Mmm, I don't think so. I have a shirt. Napkins are for grown-ups."

10/14/10 - (looking through a Dilbert book) "Mommy, I want to do THAT when I grow up!" "You mean sit in a cubicle and type on a computer all day?"
"Yes."
"Well, if you try read hard, I'm sure you'll get your wish."

10/25/10 - (after I had been gone for the weekend) "BB, what do you want for lunch?" "Marshmallows and crackers." Must have been a nice couple of days...

10/26/10 - (during devotions where the story of John the Baptist was being read)
"What would happen if I ate honey, locusts and bugs?" "Well, you'd get more protein than you do now."

11/10/10- I told BB to go talk to DH since I had heard his alarm go off and I thought DH had fallen back asleep. BB freaks out and backs into a corner. Turns out, he thought I had said DH's arm had fallen off.

11/30/10 - "Doo-doo, pee-pee in the potty! Doo-doo, pee-pee in the potty!"

12/01/10 - (as we watch Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture") "I wanna be THAT guy when I grow up!" BB exclaims, point to the guy who fires the canon

A Favorite Comic

Growing up, "Calvin and Hobbes" was one of my favorite comics. Little did I know that one day I would grow up to have my very own "Calvin" for a son ;)

image found: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2010/11/14/

Christmas Card Pic 2010

Based on last year's successful picture, we decided to do the same again this year. Only we got the bright idea to just have a picture of BB and his tree. The idea seemed so easy, so simple. Throw a nice shirt on BB, decorate a 3-foot tree and snap a quick pic. Parents everywhere know where this is headed...

This is good, but it could be better. Maybe if I zoom in a bit and snap a few more...

No, BB, put your tongue back in your mouth and smile nicely!

Put your hands down! Smile nicely with your hands in your lap!

Okay, perhaps I spoke too harshly. You can relax a little bit.

Um, not that much...

So what if it's not centered and the star is blurry? Good enough!

Seven Quick Takes 9/24/10

I haven't participated in Jennifer's Quick Takes in a while, and with this post sitting in my drafts for a while, I thought I'd finish it up. The following are all BBisms:

1. What do you call the piece that sticks up on a car's trunk? A "squeeler".
2. What do you call the crustacean that makes it's home in a seashell? A "crap".
3. What's red, white. and blue? The "Canmerican" flag.
4. hasmooliacan devil - Tasmanian Devil
5. bazzonia - lasagna
6. church book - Bible
7. and a funny: "Ouch! Your leg has sharpie things. They hurt me!"

Well, He's Able to Follow Directions

When you tell a 4-year-old to "put napkins at each person's seat,"

you might find that he did just that.

This probably explains why he tilted his head and looked at me funny before he got the napkins.

My Humble Son

this picture is unrelated to the post, but it's a cute pic, don't you think?

One nice thing about raising an only child is that only children tend to be very humble. For example, take the following exchange between BB and myself:
Me: "You're adorable."
BB: "Yes. I am."
See what I mean?
y'all do know I'm being sarcastic, right?

"Mommy, my toe right here (pointing to his big toe) hurts really bad."
"I'm so sorry. Why is your toe hurting?"
"Because my bones - you know my bones inside my body? - are hurting my toe."
"Why are your bones doing that?"
"I think they're in the wrong way."
Don't you just hate when that happens?

Fashion Plate

I might cringe when I see the outfit combination:

but how can I say no when he likes his choice so much?

I had quite the model with me when I went to run errands last week.

Menu Plan Monday 5/24

and quite possibly for years to come...

Sunday - food?
Monday - probably food
Tuesday - try it - you'll like it
Wednesday - I'm gonna guess and say food
Thursday - a starving person would be happy to eat this
Friday - eat it before it eats you
Saturday - it was on sale

Quotes to Laugh At

BB happened to catch a glimpse of my belly button the other day. He tilted his head sideways, scrunched up his face and asked, "Mom? Did you pull your belly button off?" I was momentarily confused until I realized that since BB has an outie belly button, my belly button probably does look strange to him!
DH was eating the last of some pizza the other day. BB wanted some pizza, so DH cut one of his slices in half. BB looked at the pizza on his plate and said, "Hmm. I think I need a microscope."

BB-isms

DH and I have instituted a "no new toys" policy for BB. Not that we buy that much for him, but others do. I'm sure his overflow of toys has nothing to do with being an only child and only grandchild. Needless to say, BB is not a fan of this policy. When asked if he wanted to go to Target last week, he replied, "Why? To look at toys I'm not going to get?" I probably would have gotten onto him about being a smart-aleck if I hadn't started laughing so hard.
Today, BB read his first sentence (The fat cat sat on a mat). After DH and I congratulated him, he exclaimed, "Well! Call the newspapers!"
Such a humble child.

Don't Let this Happen to You

I'm sure you know how it is. You sit down at the computer for just a quick minute to check e-mail. But one thing leads to another, you're sucked in before you know it. You're vaguely aware of your child amusing himself with something. Since you don't hear anything crashing or anyone screaming, all must be well. You're finally shaken out of your internet coma to discover -




you're trapped -






While I know this is probably a reflection of poor parenting on my part, I am kinda impressed that BB knew to do this quietly without initially attracting my attention. I knew he was playing with his train tracks behind me, but I didn't notice what he was doing until he started piling the tracks on my feet!

Hide-N-Seek

"Daddy! You count and try to find me!"
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."
"I wonder where BB can be?"

"I know I can hear him..."

"Could he be in the living room?"

"There he is!"

Behind the Scenes: Christmas Tour '09

I'm sure y'all enjoyed the tour of my *spotless* home yesterday ;) Now that it's just back to my regular readers, I must confess that I get so nervous posting my house on a blog tour! Some of the ladies out there are a-ma-zing. I know this is terribly shallow, but I'll look at some of the houses and think that my house (which was perfectly acceptable 5 minutes ago) looks like a "before" picture.
Does anyone else out there go through that feeling? Sometimes I think blog tours (and maybe even blogs) seem like high school all over again. Don't get me wrong - I love blogging, and I love participating in tours. But there's an agonizing moment or two before I click on Mr. Linky to submit my contribution.
Not that any of you were intimidated by my photos ;), but I thought I'd share a few funny behind-the-scenes glimpses of my house before and during my attempt to stage it for the home tour. Just so you don't think my house is always that clean!

When I was setting up my Christmas village in the front hallway, I could not convince BB that the road was for the villagers and not his racecars. I fear that some of the village people had horrible accidents with no medical attention. Thankfully, BB stopped mowing down the villagers after I put the marching band on the road. Now BB just rearranges them so that they look like they're drunk ;)One drawback to being an only child is that you grow up with everything being about you. Sure, your parents may try to place the emphasis elsewhere, but you're not fooled. In true only-child fashion, I was asked to take several pictures of race cars during my home photo shoot. Why would I want to take a picture of anything else?

I also had to snap a few of the boy himself. He is a pretty cute subject, don't you think?

Most of my pictures had to be taken on the sly, lest BB come running into the picture.

Literally.

The photo shoot extended into naptime, which led to a rather irrational arguement about whether or not I could take a picture of this bookshelf. Why didn't I just put him down for his nap?
Since so many people show delectable goodies as part of their home tour, I decided to make something. Unfortunately, what I had on hand was the making of Rice Krispy Treats. I tried to Christmastize them with red and green decorating gel, but I wasn't too successful.

Oh, well. At least BB had fun.

In the interest of full disclosure, during my photo shoot, there was a roving mound of junk. Including, but not limited to, unsorted mail, a fast-food drink cup, a dust rag, and tape. There were also a few cars that were hurriedly knocked out of the way, and several requests made by me for BB to get dressed. Again.

When Geeks have Birthdays...

... they appreciate the humor in this:
which, incidentally, is what I plan on doing to mine once I have this next one.
29 forever! ;p

They Should Work in Government

We moved into our new house October 3rd. We didn't get internet until October 17th. Why the long delay? Let me tell you about 3 internet provider companies. For the sake of the tale, we'll call them Company A, B, and C, respectively.
DH and I have had internet through Company A for the past 3 years at our old house. I called them 2 weeks before the move and set up the appointment for connecting internet at our new home. Bright and early Monday after the move, I get a call from Company A:
"This is _____ with Company A. I'm sitting in my truck here in your driveway, and according to my chart, your house is not in our providing area. You'll have to call Company B if you want internet here."
Am I the only one who finds it odd that he calls me from my own driveway? Why not walk to the front door? Better yet, when you get the address of a house that you're going to, why not check your chart before you get there?
So I call Company B. After giving our address to Company B, I am told that while they can provide me with a land line, they do not yet have internet for my area.
My area that is in an established neighborhood within the city limits. A neighborhood built in the 1970's and 1980's. I wonder exactly when they are going to go for that newfangled internet-y thing?
My only remaining option is Company C. I am told that they will come to my house to set up internet between the hours of 8AM-10AM, either Thursday, Friday, or Monday. So I wait. And wait.
Turns out, Company C sent me an e-mail giving instructions that I was supposed to go to their office and pay a down payment before they would come to my house. Because nothing is more logical than sending an e-mail to someone who does not currently have internet. Especially when the someone told the company "DO NOT CONTACT ME VIA E-MAIL AS I DO NOT HAVE INTERNET AT THIS TIME."
On Tuesday, when DH goes to pay, Company C says that they have several people ahead of us and that they might be able to fit us in on Saturday evening. Maybe. Never mind the fact that they did something dumb that delayed us getting internet. Good thing they don't provide anything life or death.
But now we have internet. And I have close to 600 unread blog posts to catch up on. So if I don't comment on your post, at least I have a good excuse!

Funny Boy

"Wanna go outside."
"No, baby, it's raining."
BB brings me his jacket
"Put jacket on."
"But baby, it's summer. You'll get hot."
"Jacket on, Puuuhhh-leeezzzeee?"
How can I resist that?
"Okay, but you'll get hot."

"Look, Mommy! Wanna go outside."

"See?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BB loves Cheerios. Really loves Cheerios. He wanted a snack the other day, but I told him no because it was too close to dinner time. All is quiet for a few minutes but then I hear the pantry door open and a skittering sound. I enter the kitchen to find BB happily eating out of the container.

Let's zoom out a bit, shall we?
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