A Love Story

Not terribly original, I don't even know why I wrote this. But I felt I needed to, so here it is:

There is a bride. She is the first bride. Ever. A beautiful, perfect bride who has the distinction of being created expressly for her groom. Her groom is the real Prince Charming. His father is king not just of the land, but of the entire universe. Only the best will do for such a prince, and she is exactly that. She is the picture of perfection, exquisite in every way, beautifully dressed. As preparation for the royal wedding, she has been given every gift imaginable, including the highly prized gift of free will. Her days are carefree. She lives in the most beautiful garden, where each day, her beloved meets her for a walk. Sadly, the bride doesn't use her gifts wisely. She is ungrateful. When she is told that her groom's father is trying to keep all knowledge from her, she violates the trust given to her and misuses her gift of free will. Too late, she learns that it was all a horrible trick that she has fallen for.

Disgraced, she runs away, only to find that by falling for the trick, she is now a slave to a monster. In her shame and unhappiness, the bride is unfaithful and does terrible things. The more the bride does to fight her status as a slave, the deeper she is trapped. Her crime of rejecting her groom and his family carries the penalty of death. Only blood can satisfy the sentence. A sentence of death that will last for eternity. But the bridegroom still loves her. Her betrothed seeks her out and meets with her owner to bargain for his bride's release. He doesn't care what she has done. He looks through the dirt and grime that covers his beloved and still finds her beautiful, worthy of his love. She has destroyed her dress and defiled her body with countless lovers, but it doesn't matter to him.

The groom knows how eager the bride's owner is to watch the bride suffer and die. He knows that her owner wants nothing more than to kill her. The law of the land demands that blood be shed to atone for the crime of rejecting the royal family. Undeterred, the bridegroom gives his blood in place of the bride's. His clothes, which have always been pristine, become filthy rags. His face becomes unrecognizable as He suffers abuse on her behalf. The king cannot watch what is happening to his son. He turns away at the sight of his perfect son covered in blood and filth. The son feels deeply his father turning away, and he calls out to his father. Amazingly, the groom has been quiet throughout the whole ordeal, not even speaking when it would have saved him. But now, his anguish at being rejected overcomes him and he cries over the lost fellowship.

The bride watches all of this, speechless. Her beloved has gone through this terrible punishment because of her actions. She has led her groom to be killed in a gruesome manner. Her perfect groom, the prince. She locks herself away and grieves. Days pass, and with the third day brings new hope, a miracle. Her beloved returns, alive. As unbelievable as it sounds, he has come back to her. He holds her tenderly and pledges his love to her anew. He tells her that he willingly died for her and that he would gladly do it again. The bride sobs with a mixture of regret and remorse. His clothes, once spotless, then filthy rags, have been replaced with his usual princely attire. His shining clothes and face make her aware that she is still wearing the clothing of a slave. Her clothes aren't even good enough to be rags. It seems that no matter how hard she scrubs her clothes or tries to be careful, her clothing keeps getting stained worse and worse. Fittingly, the stains are always scarlet. Scarlet like the blood she saw flow from her beloved.

She backs away from him, not willing to dirty his clothes, especially after all he has been through for her. The groom seems to read her thoughts and reassures her that it is all right. He loves her regardless of how she is attired, but he longs to see her rightfully clothed as his bride. Disbelieving, she searches his face for a clue to his meaning. Surely he must know how much she regrets running away and being deceived. She remembers her beautiful dress that once clothed her. She is shamed at how far she has let herself go. She looks down at the floor in disgrace and mumbles that she wishes she could be his bride again. But she knows that she can't. She haltingly tells him that she wishes she could wear such a shining white example of beauty. But, as she motions to her current clothes, these rags seem to suit her better. After all, she caused his death. While yes, he is alive again by some miracle, she knows her place is now away from him. She can never forgive herself for her actions, for causing the terrible price he paid to free her, for causing his own father to turn away from him.

Weeping violently now, she falls to the floor. Her tears flowing, she watches as her tears splash His feet. Even now, he bears the marks of her actions. His beautiful feet are pierced, the wounds still fresh. Not wanting her salty tears to cause him more pain, she tries to wipe them away. But with what? Her clothes are too dirty to do much good, even though she has washed them over and over. Her hair. Her hair might work. She wipes away at her tears that are flowing over his feet. She tries to excuse herself, to tell him how much she regrets her actions. But all that comes out is, “Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.” He reaches down and pulls her off of the floor. A great light seems to fill the room, taking her breath away, causing her tears to cease.

The bride dares to lift her eyes and finds such kindness, such love, shining in the eyes of the groom. Her heart, so scarred and heavy from her actions, feels hopeful and light. She feels forgiven, fresh, new – whole. The way she felt as a girl in the garden before she ran away. Before she was deceived. She catches a glimpse of her sleeve and gasps. She looks down at her clothes in wonder. The filthy scarlet rags are gone. In their place is her gorgeous bridal dress, the one that she thought she would never see again. Her feet are shod in finely crafted slippers, jewels glisten around her neck. As she walks to a mirror, she catches sight of a veil. The most intricate, elaborate veil ever made now adorns her hair. Her groom reaches behind her to pull the veil over her face. She holds up a hand to stop Him, because only virgins are veiled. She - is not. She shouldn't even be wearing a dress made of white, much less a bridal gown. As she explains, her groom's eyes fill with compassion. How much she still doesn't understand! He lovingly tells her that her veil, her dress, are all hers to wear because of his death. His death not only freed her from being a slave, it also washed away every trace of her past life. When she asked him for forgiveness, every record of her transgression was discarded, never to be seen again. He places the veil over her face and leads her out the door where she sees a bridal party has assembled, a feast prepared. For her. And Him. The bride and her Groom.

Gratituesday: Pictures

I have recently taken it upon myself to sort and organize my mother's pictures. Through various projects and what-not, pictures have been "borrowed" from the albums and never returned, relegated to a ziploc bag with the promise of order returning someday. Then there are the pictures that have been taken in the years since I have left home. For the past 8 years, pictures haven't been placed into an album. It appears as though I was the chief photo organizer while at home, and no one has taken my place. Being the slightly OCD person that I am, I borrowed my mom's album and have been mildly obsessing about proper picture placement the past few days.
Some pictures are easy to place. I can place most pictures of myself in the correct place by looking at my hair and glasses. My dubious fashion choices at least made each outfit memorable. However, there are other pictures that are harder to place because I am young. In a picture, 2 can be hard to tell apart from 3, a play school field trip can be confused with a Pre-K trip. For those pictures, I must ask for help in correctly dating the picture.
Going through these pictures I am once again struck at what is missing in the pictures. I have no first birthday pictures - my birth mother spent my first birthday fighting with my birth dad and packing our things in a hurry. We (my birth mother and I) left my birth dad the day after I turned one and moved out of state. I didn't see my birth dad again. I have 1 picture of myself with my birth dad, and very few with my birth mom. I wasn't adopted until I was 25 months old, so you would think that there would be more pictures of the two of us than the dozen or so that I have. All told, there are about 30 pictures of my first year. I have well over 500 of BB's first year. Most likely because I have so few of my own baby days. I asked once why I didn't have more baby pictures, only to be told that my birth mother pawned the camera for drug money. Charming. Warm fuzzy feeling. That probably also explains why my baby book is largely blank.
It would be so easy to get caught up in all of these sad facts. In fact, I've spent a lot of my life bemoaning my lack of what my friends took for granted. There are no baby clothes of mine, I don't know the first word that I spoke. But I do have something that I find in the pictures.
Starting the month I arrived at my aunt and uncle's (who would later adopt me), there are pictures. Hundreds. Even in the first year that I lived with them, when I was "only" a niece, there are pictures. Not just the momentous birthday and Christmas pictures, but even everyday pictures. There's half a roll of film used to show me trying to walk down the slight hill in the backyard. There are pictures of me playing, pictures of me eating, just pictures. Go forward in the album to when I am 3, and the pictures for just that one year take up more than one album. Sure, we did go to the zoo twice and to Sea World, but there are still a lot of pictures of just me being a kid. Proof that someone wanted to document me.
For that, I'm grateful. Pictures might seem like a small thing, but for someone who spent so much time feeling like a throwaway or a charity project, the pictures are a big deal.

check out Heavenly Homemakers each Tuesday for Gratituesday

Gratituesday: Baby Boy

For a long time, I didn't think that I would have kids. At first, I didn't want kids. I didn't even plan on getting married. But I met DH, fell in love, and got married. Since I had changed my mind about getting married, I decided that I could also change my mind about having kids. However, after making this decision, it began to look as though I couldn't have kids. Time and time again we were met with disappointment.

I “accepted” the fact that perhaps I wasn't meant to have kids, except for whenever I saw a baby in real life. Or on TV. Or I saw a pregnant woman, walked by baby clothes, heard about someone expecting, or was invited to a baby shower that I didn't attend. I did pretty good at accepting, wouldn't you say? One baby, just one baby, was all I wanted. I didn't think that just one was too much to ask for. Especially since, as a teacher, I saw so many babies born to women who didn't seem to be able to care for their kids.

The fall of my third year as a teacher, I worked at a weekend youth retreat. My job on that retreat was to share my testimony, which I didn't really want to do. Still, I felt as though I should share, so I did. While working on the retreat, a time came for the youth to pray and seek God in the chapel. As a speaker on the retreat, I shadowed the youth throughout the weekend, so I was able to pray in the chapel as well. I began to pray in earnest about wanting a baby. I cried over lost chances and mistakes that I had made. I came to the point where I told God that if it was His will for me to not have children that I would trust Him to help me accept. But, I also prayed, if He did see fit to allow me to have a child, I would dedicate that child to Him just as Hannah did with Samuel.

As I knelt in the chapel, I had the impression of someone saying to me, “You will get pregnant again. And this time it will be okay.” I was inclined to dismiss the thought, attributing it to myself speaking to myself. The words didn't sound like words that God would use. I tried to not put too much stock into what I had “heard,” and didn't tell anyone about the incident. Fast forward to two weeks later, when I am throwing up and can't stand the thought of eating my lunch for 3 days in a row. I take a pregnancy test on a whim. Positive! I'd been down this road with the two pink lines before, but as I looked at the test, I remembered what I had “heard.” I took the test November 3^rd, and on July 10^th, BB was born, 11 days after his due date at a whopping 10 lbs, 5 oz.

“For this child I prayed; and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:27-28

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Gratituesday: The Chiropractor

For those who are skeptical about the benefits of regular chiropractic care, I urge you to give it a try. I have been going to a chiropractor for the past 11 years, and it is wonderful. I've been in several auto accidents which have aggravated the back problems I already have due to having scoliosis. When I first started going, I had trouble sleeping at night because my back hurt so badly. My hip was constantly becoming disjointed, and I had carpal tunnel in both wrists that would cause my hands to alternately ache and turn numb. I wouldn't be able to type this much without having to wrap up my wrists and ice them. My piano practice was suffering, needless to say, as I couldn't practice the "at least" 2 hours a day I was supposed to practice.
The really bad thing about all of this was that I was having these problems at only 16 (now you know how old I am!). My dad had started going because of knee problems he had developed while playing football in the army. Even though a chiropractor works on the spine, the spine's connection to the rest of the body can influence how the rest of the body works. By having regular chiropractic care, his knee stopped hurting as badly. He recommended that I should go. I was skeptical, but my back did hurt, so I went. My health problems improved, and many of my symptoms gradually went away over the course of several months. Until I was pregnant with BB, I hadn't had any back problems in 8 years.
There are several schools of thought regarding chiropractic care. My doctor practices the Gonstead method, which to me makes the most sense, as it actually manipulates the spine. Other methods involve the application of mild electric shocks, muscle massage, and other things. Ask around for recommendations, or do some Google research on the methods. Many of the online explanations of the different methods will provide a listing of doctors in your area who practice that method.
I'm grateful for chiropractors today. For more Gratituesday entries, check out Heavenly Homemakers each week.

Gratituesday: Longevity

As of today, my parents have been married 37 years. They were just 18 when they married, both still in school and working full-time. Neither of my parents grew up in a Christian home, or saw a proper marriage relationship modeled. Yet both of my parents today are Christians, who tried their best to do a better job raising me than their parents did raising them. They have defied the odds in many ways during the course of their marriage. Congratulations, mom and dad!

Mother's Day 2008

I had a good Mother's Day this year, and I hope that all of you mothers had a nice one as well. DH and BB bought me a bouquet of flowers, cards, and a Precious Moments figurine. They also went shopping with me, which was a definite sacrifice on their part! Truth be told, my Mother's Day was not that different in many ways from other days of the year. My DH does a pretty good job of making me feel special all year long. He regularly makes early-morning coffee runs to Dunkin' Donuts for me, buys a Sunday paper for me each week, and occasionally surprises me with things when he comes home from work. All of these are wonderful treats, yet what DH does that means the most to me is his willingness to help out with BB. As a SAHM, I'm usually ready for some peace and quiet by the time DH gets home from work every day. Most evenings, DH plays with BB from the time he gets home until BB's bedtime. He even feeds BB his dinner if he hasn't eaten yet, and gives BB his bath. DH does all of this without me having to ask him. On the weekend, if BB gets up early, DH gets up with him and lets me sleep. If BB wakes up in the middle of the night, DH gets up with him and finds out what he needs to go back to sleep. So while my Mother's Day was special, my DH works hard all year to let me know that I'm special every day.

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34 Thankful Things about My House

I've had a hard time being content with what I have when it comes to my house. I keep looking at magazines and dreaming about my future “real” house with a yard. This is an exercise in gratitude for me that probably won't interest anyone else. But it is MY blog, after all...

1. My house is new. When we moved in, we didn't have to worry about fixing what the former owners had done to the house. No mystery stains or dings. Having a new house also means that the roof, plumbing, appliances, etc. should be relatively problem-free. Since we have limited financial means, this comes in handy.

2. My house has 2 bathrooms. Although there are only 3 of us, this has been helpful, especially when I had morning sickness!

3. My house has 2 bedrooms. I'm sure that we all sleep much better since we don't have to share a room with baby.

4. My house has paintable walls. The trailer we lived in prior to this had these awful creme with pink and blue flecked walls. Yuck!

5. My house came with window blinds. And not the cheap blinds, either! These are thick, 2” blinds. We would have had to spend a lot of money to buy the blinds for the windows when we moved in, and we didn't have ANY money when we moved into our house.

6. My house has carpet and vinyl. Yes, the carpet is stained. Yes, I don't like vinyl. But it could be worse. I do have variety in my flooring, and it is a nice neutral. I don't have to worry about gold shag carpeting.

7. My house has brick exterior, which means a lot less maintenance. I also feel that having a brick exterior makes our house and those around it slightly less likely to go up in flames.

8. My house has a patio. I would like it better if it had a little bit of yard with it, but we do have a place to sit out and grill. Not that we have ever done so, but we could.

9. My house has a storage room. I'm not crazy about the fact that the storage room is outside, and therefore subject to temperature fluctuations and bugs. Yet for supplies like our camping gear (which I keep buying, even though we haven't gone in 2 years), the outside room works just fine.

10. My house has a big water heater. In our trailer, only one person got a hot shower. Now both of us can have a hot shower, with water left over for laundry or doing dishes.

11. My house has a locked mailbox. So far, we haven't lost the key to our mailbox! Locked mailboxes are safer than regular mailboxes, especially if you still write checks to pay your bills like I do. I know that web pay is cheaper, etc. But I like to write the check.

12. My house (well, the complex) has a dumpster. I don't have to worry about overfilling the one green trashcan. In Milledgeville, our trash collection people wouldn't take your trash unless the lid on your trashcan closed. To me, if your lid won't close, you REALLY need to have your trash emptied! Here, we can cram and cram the dumpster to overflowing, and it still gets emptied.

13. My house is close to town. Sometimes, too close. Having to drive farther would make me plan better. But for those days when I have to escape the house, being 1 mile away from town is wonderful.

14. My house is zoned for good schools. Hubby and I don't plan on using the public school system, but if we had to, at least our son would go to “better” public schools.

15. My house has zero yard maintenance. I could stand to live in our house longer if we had a yard. But I know that we are better off for not having to have a lawnmower, etc. right now. We would have had to buy yard maintenance things on credit, and that would have only added to the burden of debt we currently carry.

16. My house has air conditioning! I am a wuss when it comes to tolerating the heat. I can't stand being hot! I know that many people do without air conditioning, but I'm very thankful that I don't have to.

17. My house has heat. Our old trailer did not have good insulation, and the “heat” that it blew out of its vents was never warm, no matter what the thermostat was set to. So we shivered and froze all winter, and used space heaters. Now we can set the thermostat at 60 in the winter and be comfortable, albeit with a few layers on.

18. My house has solid wood doors. I know some people like the hollow wood doors for the interior of their house, but I much prefer solid wood.

19. My house has a fan in bathroom. This comes in handy for many things.

20. My house has a shower with bathtub. I can't stand shower stalls!

21. My house has a high shower head. In the trailer, even I had to bend backwards to wet my hair. Now even hubby is comfortable.

22. My house has a dishwasher. When I lived in Cochran, we didn't have this marvelous invention, and I decided that I would never live without one again.

23. My house has a ceramic top stove. I always wanted one of these, and now I have learned that I prefer burners. But I never would have known this without experience. I'm very glad that I didn't learn this in my “dream” house and be stuck with it for a long time.

24. My house has a built-in microwave. I really like having my microwave above my stove, and this microwave is a lot bigger than our old one.

25. My house came with a refrigerator. I wouldn't have picked this model for my frig, but having one come with the house was a good bonus. Actually, we weren't supposed to get a frig with the house, but there was a typo in the real estate listing that our agent caught.

26. My house's freezer has an ice maker. Our trailer did not, and it was a pain to constantly make ice.

27. My house has a pantry in the kitchen. I love being able to keep all the food in one spot. My pantry is so big, I even keep other things in it.

28. My house has lots of cabinets. Even with three full sets of dishes with the coordinating glasses, platters, baking items, etc. I still have room in my cabinets. Love it!

29. My house has lots of electrical outlets in the kitchen. Our old trailer had 2, which was horrible.

30. My house has a garbage disposal in the kitchen. No more stinky trashcan!

31. My house has light wood cabinets. I've thought about painting them a color, but I think I'll leave them just lightly finished. That way, maybe the cabinets will appeal to more people when we sell.

32. My house has a light above sink. No more doing dishes in the dark for me!

33. My house came with a washing machine and dryer. Like the frig, I wouldn't have picked these models, but I'm thankful for them. I would rather have new anything than old when it comes to appliances.

34. My house has a laundry room. I've had a washer and dryer in my kitchen, and I've had them in the hallway. I like having these in a separate room that I can close off if need be.

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