July 7, 2008

Gratituesday: Baby Boy

For a long time, I didn't think that I would have kids. At first, I didn't want kids. I didn't even plan on getting married. But I met DH, fell in love, and got married. Since I had changed my mind about getting married, I decided that I could also change my mind about having kids. However, after making this decision, it began to look as though I couldn't have kids. Time and time again we were met with disappointment.

I “accepted” the fact that perhaps I wasn't meant to have kids, except for whenever I saw a baby in real life. Or on TV. Or I saw a pregnant woman, walked by baby clothes, heard about someone expecting, or was invited to a baby shower that I didn't attend. I did pretty good at accepting, wouldn't you say? One baby, just one baby, was all I wanted. I didn't think that just one was too much to ask for. Especially since, as a teacher, I saw so many babies born to women who didn't seem to be able to care for their kids.

The fall of my third year as a teacher, I worked at a weekend youth retreat. My job on that retreat was to share my testimony, which I didn't really want to do. Still, I felt as though I should share, so I did. While working on the retreat, a time came for the youth to pray and seek God in the chapel. As a speaker on the retreat, I shadowed the youth throughout the weekend, so I was able to pray in the chapel as well. I began to pray in earnest about wanting a baby. I cried over lost chances and mistakes that I had made. I came to the point where I told God that if it was His will for me to not have children that I would trust Him to help me accept. But, I also prayed, if He did see fit to allow me to have a child, I would dedicate that child to Him just as Hannah did with Samuel.

As I knelt in the chapel, I had the impression of someone saying to me, “You will get pregnant again. And this time it will be okay.” I was inclined to dismiss the thought, attributing it to myself speaking to myself. The words didn't sound like words that God would use. I tried to not put too much stock into what I had “heard,” and didn't tell anyone about the incident. Fast forward to two weeks later, when I am throwing up and can't stand the thought of eating my lunch for 3 days in a row. I take a pregnancy test on a whim. Positive! I'd been down this road with the two pink lines before, but as I looked at the test, I remembered what I had “heard.” I took the test November 3rd, and on July 10th, BB was born, 11 days after his due date at a whopping 10 lbs, 5 oz.

For this child I prayed; and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord.” 1 Samuel 1:27-28
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  1. I love this story, Heather! It's so similar to our experience with secondary infertility. I know what you mean about hearing God's voice in your heart, but wanting to know that it's really Him speaking to you and not you putting your own thoughts and desires there.

    God rewards those who are faithful to Him!

  2. Oh, I love your story!! Excellent Gratituesday!

  3. Beautiful testimony, Heather. God is so good to give us the desires of our heart.

  4. What an awesome Gratituesday post. Thank you so much for sharing this with us!

  5. Thank you so much for sharing! Your story is very touching.

  6. God is so good. I'm always awed by His faithfulness, and how He really does care about the details of our lives. He's our best friend!

  7. What a wonderful thing to be thankful for today!! God is GOOD!!


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