1. Walk faster, I haven't hit my quota today.
2. If the camera add 10 pounds, just how skinny is the starlet?
3. I wanted to move to the island where fat is beautiful, but ever since they've got cable, everybody has an eating disorder.
4. "No, not tonight," and "I love you" in sign language have the same finger positions. You just wiggle the fingers to say the first phrase.
5. A bunch of liberals threatened to leave America if Bush was re-elected, but it looks like they stayed after all.
6. Why do men's pants get lower and women's pants get higher as they get older and fatter?
7. Some days I feel like I should get a standing ovation for just getting out of bed.
8. If everybody carried a gun, we'd all be a lot nicer to each other.
9. Do children in China play with Fisher Price toys?
10. My house was cleaner before we had internet.
11. Some days my biggest accomplishment is brushing my hair.
12. Seen on a sign - what if the measure of success is getting the clothes into the dryer before they mildew?
13. Scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner doesn't work.
14. Just because they have it in your size doesn't mean you should wear it.
15. Not everyone needs to go to college.
16. Only the rich drive a Mercedes to the gym to run on the treadmill.
17. Just because you bought it new doesn't mean that it's in style.