"I have come to the conclusion that my character has been developed enough. Thank you very much, but I'm good where I'm at, God. I'll just stop here and have everything easy from here on out. Okay?"The past few weeks have certainly served to develop my character, but that's not what this post is about. For me, I think that waiting for something to happen - or to not happen - can serve to develop even more character than an upset in lifestyle.
When I prayed for God to allow me to have BB, I sincerely meant that I'd be happy with only one child. However, around the time BB turned one, I started having a change of mind. Fast forward 1.5 years, and BB remains an only child. In this age of technology, when humans can make so many things happen, I don't feel led to pursue any treatments or procedures. I feel impressed with a definite "No, wait." I also don't feel led to adopt right now, even though adoption is something that I have always planned on doing someday. The proactive solutions are, at least for now, a door closed to me.
I know that there are so many people out there who desperately want one child, and they swear that they won't ever ask for another. To those people, I undoubtedly seem selfish and ungrateful for what I have. I don't believe that is the case with me, but I know that most people are blind to their own faults. I find it hard to believe that this is a selfish desire. My past experience served to purge any foolish ideas about childbirth from me. I know what I am wanting to get into. I believe that because I want to go through all of that again, I must be meant to go through it again.
I can only assume that since God is all-knowing, He knows that there is something in me that can only be perfected through this experience. Perhaps He wants to make me aware of just how precious the gift of life truly is. Or perhaps this desire really is born out of selfishness and it is something that I will have to give to Him. I try to pray "Thy will be done," yet I find myself adding "but please make _____ Your will" to my prayers.
It's really hard to pray 'your will be done' without adding our own human desires isn't it? I just know that God knows the desires of your heart as well as your desire to live within His perfect plan for you.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have a real peace about where you're at right now and I think that's the best place to be - resting in God's plan.
God's timing is perfect, His plans better than our own. Keep praying, keep learning, keep your faith!
Hugs to you
Narelle
xox
I don't think it's selfish at all to pray for another child... each time is hard, and different - so keep praying! His answer will come in it's own time - I just think it's good that you're waiting and if he leads you to be more proactive... you'll be ready.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you desire to have another child is selfish - it's a very natural God-given desire. His timing is perfect. Sometimes we can't see that until later. :) I'm glad you have peace about it. That's a really great place to be.
ReplyDeleteI have a married friend who can neither have children nor adopt, so your post helps me to understand what she's going through.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that prayer at the end! I hope it's the LORD's will that you have another child! It sounds like you are in a really healthy place...
ReplyDeleteI look forward to the day when I pray and I'm not tempted to pray for my own desires... although, I'm not sure that will happen on this side of heaven ;)
ReplyDeletethanks for stopping by and saying hello.
You're not selfish Heather. Your desire for more children is human, and instilled in you by the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI too pray for God's will to be done. He knows the desire of my heart, so if His will is for me to not have more children, then I just pray that he will help me to have peace and acceptance.
I repeat what others' said. It is not selfish to pray for another child. God says children are a blessing so the desire for another is something he wants us to have. However, God's timing is always best and it hurts sometimes. I pray He does the best for you (as I know He will) and that you heart stays strong through it all.
ReplyDelete