I have often had the thought that life would be great if it was like one of those choose-your-adventure books and I got to see what happened with each choice that I made without having to live with the results. But life isn't like that, which means that I must brave whatever happens without a redo.
As a Christian, I don't believe that I am supposed to worry, but I find it very hard not to. I know that worry is really a form of pride in myself. I know that when I worry I am really wanting to know what I can do to change things, not what God can do. I find it very hard to give control over to Him, and to leave the control there. With several life-altering choices facing my family and I in the next year or so, I can so often get caught up in the "what-ifs" that I lose the joy in an entire day. The most frustrating thing about all of this is that none of the choices are bad choices. The choices are simply things such as live in this house until we're completely debt-free, or try to sell (or rent) the house so we can get a house that has a yard for BB to play in and room for another kid. Should we even have another kid (or more?) if so, when?
None of these choices are necessarily good or bad. Each choice just represents a different direction that my life will take. So I'm trying to give it to God. I've been trying to give it to God. And sometimes I think that things would be easier if God still used donkeys and burning bushes to communicate. Now I admit that when God has to use a donkey to talk to you, you're pretty bad off. But there's no denying that it's God when that happens. Listening to the still small Voice seems impossible to me when I'm faced with making decisions like this. I want to put out a fleece and wait for the signs to tell me. But I'm not supposed to test God. I'm supposed to wait. So I'm waiting, but I'll admit that my foot is tapping and I'm checking my watch. If any of you happen to think about any of this now and again, some additional prayers would be appreciated. Prayers for wisdom - and patience.